hello Aisha. I love to read your blog. What are your favourite love stories and why are Nigerian men so horrible with love? Why can’t they be the guys in the movies, even a little bit?
Thanks Tonia, I will try to address both issues in this piece. Firstly, my favourite love movies are ‘Man on fire’ and “King kong”. when i tell people this, they would be like ‘What?’ Those are not love stories”. I disagree. They have all the classic elements of a Love story.
Now, the classic love stories either had a happy ending (cinderella, beauty and the beast, Snow white) or was a tragedy (Romeo and Juliet, Laila and Manju, Othello).
Now modern-day Love movies. Boy meets girl; Boy chases girl; girl either gives boy a hard time or likes boy too. Boy and girl fall in love. Then boy develop super human powers and is able to beat up hundreds of dacoits threatening to “loot girl’s honour’ and sends them flying in the air . (yep. Hindi movies for u. I recall a silly film where the guy viciously kills a man for ‘teasing’ his girl on the street, and for some reason he still remains the good guy). On the other scale, the boy could also end up taking poison because he thinks the girl is dead or he could die because the girl is too selfish to go on the darn life-boat when she should have, giving him an opportunity to fend for himself by finding the floating door and getting on it instead of sacrificing it for her and staying in the water till he froze to death. (If you have no idea what I am talking about, you need to watch more movies)
Anyone who knows me, know I am a huge fan of Hindi movies. What’s not to love? Good looking boy, good-looking girl, cool songs, nice scenery, same old tired storyline. Grown ass men and women declaring their love by running through meadows or mountains sides singing and dancing. Sure Indian movies are very corny, over the top and unrealistic, but that was always the appeal for me when I was younger and till date. Like my brother Tunde once said, It is not an indian movie unless some one is singing in the rain. (We were watching Bride and Prejudice that day and as soon as he said that, the rain scene happen, forever cementing that moment in history).
Now back to why Man on fire is my favourite love story. People have taken lust for love. There usually has to be some physical attraction for most people before they fall in love. This wasn’t the case. This was about a broken man-made whole by a little girl(played by the awesome Dakota Fanning), which was not his kid. He went on a killing rampage when he thought she was killed and in the final scene, she said “I love you creasy bear and you love me.” So there! Love has been mentioned. So it is a love story.
Now King Kong (2005). Beauty and the beast. Giant Gorilla meets girl. Giant Gorilla tries to eat girl. Giant Gorilla now realizes he can’t live without girl. Giant Gorilla fights off THREE T-Rex trying to eat girl; Giant Gorilla goes on a rampage when he loses girl. Giant Gorilla calms down when he sees girl. Giant Gorilla fights off planes shooting at him while still trying to keep girl from arm’s way. Giant Gorilla dies looking into girl’s eyes. Love story.
On to your second question,
Growing up on Hindi movies, I saw love as this beautiful magical ‘thing’ that causes the man to run around like a toddler dancing or developing super human powers and being able to do scientifically impossible fight scenes. Being able to die for your girl was the ultimate show of true love. I looked forward for the guy that would be able to do all this for me and more. (ha ha ha ha ha ha , sorry as an adult, I cannot help laughing at my stupidity)
Fastfoward to adulthood, i got a huge shocker as reality set in. One thing all love stories have in common is that the men are always faithful to the one. Let’s face it. More than 60 percent of unmarried Nigerian guys has a side chick (my opinion). The words ‘I love you” has become the easiest thing to say. So as usual I did a survey involving some of the most randiest men I know and these were their views on love and why there is always another babe around.
1. Nigerian girls do not know Love. They only know Money.
2. Every guy that is a player was once heartbroken by a girl that they love and are out to break other girls’ hearts.
3. African men are not designed to be with one woman. We can’t have apples forever. We need mangoes, oranges, pineapples, watermelons, sometimes carrots but never cucumbers or bananas.
4. Love has nothing to do with sex with other women. Sex is Sex. Love is love.
5. Kill myself for a girl? ha! Let her kill herself for me first, then we will see.
6. Fight for a woman? So that I will get beaten, shot or stabbed while she moves on the next guy. Ha!
7. Love doesn’t exist. It’s what you women want to hear. So it’s what we tell you.
I know that there are a lot of genuine men who love their women and are willing to go to some degree for her, but most men draw the line at getting physically involved in a fight or doing something silly that involves their dying. Can’t say I blame them. How many women are willing to die for their men? Why should anyone have to die for anyone sef? Women cannot be like the women in the movies, so why should any one expect the men to be.
My take is that you will find Nigerian men who love you genuinely but don’t expect grand movie gestures from them. It is not realistic and you are just setting your self from heartache. I once asked my husband (a 6 footer) if he would fight someone who upset me. He asked ‘who caused the problem and how big is the other person?’. Movies guys would have responded ” Of course!!! I will die first before I let anyone hurt you or “loot your honour’ (they say ‘loot a woman’s honour’ a lot in Hindi movies). Bottom line, unless you can be movie women, you can’t expect the men to be like movie men.
So my dear readers, do you agree with a view? or do you have a contrary one? Drop a line.