Thank you for responding to my last mail and addressing my issue. I am quite frustrated with the female species, I must say especially Nigerian women. They expect too much out of us men and then say we are dogs when we can’t deliver. They want the tall, dark and handsome guy with cash; sensitive, funny, nurturing, patient………….. all in one person. How na? When we no be Jesus? It is tough, I swear. Yet you see them going around with their fat bellies and when we say we expect them to look like Heidi Klum, if they want us to be like Jesus, They get offended. I don tire for girls. In fact I wonder if I will ever settle down
Kelvin (Frustrated Naija Guy)
Hello again Kelvin.You will settle down. This is quite a weighty issue. The sad truth is that we humans have so entitled and conceited right now that we have set a bar for our fellow humans that can never be attained and it cuts across all borders and not just relationships.
Lets start from our childhood. We expect our parents to be perfect care givers. They are supposed to know what to do and how to meet all of our needs. Failure to parent perfectly makes them failures in our eyes. I recall a young man saying he despised and was ashamed of his mother as a child because she was an illiterate and couldn’t help him with his homework growing up. Yes, She kept him clean and took care of all his other needs and was a good mother but she was not like other moms who did their kids’ homework for them. It was not until he grew up that he began to value her.
Same for your teachers. You expect a level of perfection from them. Afterall they are teachers. I recall back in secondary school, we attended the wedding of our male Economics teacher. His bride was heavily pregnant. I was morally outraged (I was morally outraged by a lot of things back then. Now……mehhhhh…….nothing shocks me anymore………except the idea of granting Boko Haram amnesty. THAT outraged me). How can a teacher, A TEACHER be having sex before marrying? How dare he then tell us it is wrong? It never did occur to me that he is human and prone to certain “acts” (I refrain from calling it a mistake.)
Fast forward to adulthood, Now it is our turn to have perfection expected from us. From our bosses and in our relationships. Bosses don’t expect you to slack off at work and expect you to put 110 percent. A lot of people hate that. that’s why there is so much grumbling during the week and a lot of TGIF(Thank God Its friday) on people’s social media EVERY friday.( or we are just generally lazy)
Now in relationships, the typical Nigerian man wants a woman who is beautiful and sexy, cooks like a master chef, cleans like a vacuum, takes care of the household, gives birth to children and still maintains her figure, caters to him at his whim, always make her presentable at all time, baby him, independent, patient, doesn’t nag, allow him freedom, take care of the children’s needs and STILL work a full-time job. Even a Stepford wife cannot be all this.
When questioned, they say “Our mothers did it, all this generation girls sef too dey complain”. NO! Our mother did not (most of them anyways). They were not expected to maintain a sexy figure after 5 kids. They were not expected to have a full-time job while raising the kids.(Many of them had shops where the kids hung out after school, or government jobs that closed early, or were simply house wives) It was not like today where there are a lot of high level career women. Lets not forget, most of our mothers had helpers. A cousin or sister or a relative from either the father or the mother’s side pitched in and when the kids got older, they pitched in. I would love to hear from a reader who believes his mum did all stated above and hasn’t developed a face full of wrinkles before her time.
Women at the other hand expect a man who is tall, dark and handsome, good dresser, have swag, faithful, funny and charismatic, good car, a good job, nice house, caring, sensitive, listens to them, treats them like a princess, spoil them with nice things,help around the house, cook on occasions, buy things for their family, impresses their friends………… (I really don’t think it is possible to put all what women want in one post). Ladies…..you are NEVER going to find a guy with all these qualities and if you do, trust me. He is an alien.
Now I am not saying that you shouldn’t have a standard. Absolutely, you should, but be reasonable in what you expect from people. We are ALL imperfect people. We have our flaws. What we should seek are people with like minds who complement our flaws. I believe it’s a case of too many options. If na only one guy or one babe look your side, you go maintain na. A lot of people dating someone always assume that there has to be someone better out there for them. Sometimes there is, sometimes there isn’t. In movies, you often see a boy and girl who are polar opposites but stranded on an island, falling in love with each other. It’s a clear case of availability and desirability and removal of all the factors that made us seek the perfect partner.
So chill everyone. A lot of people throw away good partners with reasons like “he is too short’, ‘she is chubby now. After kids, she would blow up’ ‘He stays in a one bedroom apartment’, ‘she is not that pretty’, ‘he doesn’t have a car’, ‘she is not a virgin’…….. You shouldn’t really focus on these reasons unless they really really bother you and are not just a guise for expecting perfection. Assume you are in an island and your partner is the only other person (if you would rather drown out at sea or be eaten by island cannibals than be with the person, then definitely, RUN AWAY NOW)
WE ARE ALL IMPERFECT.PERFECT IS BORING. ENJOY AND RELISH EACH OTHER’s IMPERFECTION
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