Yesterday I came across this video on YouTube and It made me profoundly angry, sad and disturbed.
For Those of you who cannot watch the video, It is Divorce Court. A woman left her husband with whom she had never had a problem, because he was being “Too nice”. That when he says “I love you” she is always waiting for him to hit her or something. That he says I love you too much. When the Judge said How much? She said twice a week……..
The Judge kept pushing her to find out why on earth she was leaving him and She came up with “He made her gain weight.” That he was such a good cook and was always cooking for her anytime she asked. He didn’t just make a sandwich. He always went all out to cook for her and hence he is the reason why she is fat. Did I mention that she had three kids for other men before she married him and he was raising them financially. I guessed the saddest part is that despite all this, he said at the end. “I wish the Judge had sentenced you to life with me’………….sob…………(the sob is me, not the husband. Grown ass men don’t sob. Something only gets into their eyes)
First of all, I have to mention that this ‘woman’ is not a representation of women folk, though I have to admit that we are the most confused specie in knowing what we want (Strong but Sensitive, Tough but sweet and all the other BS that romance novels have deceived us with). This lady was clearly used to being in abusive relationships and couldn’t handle it when a truly decent guy wants to be with her. It is saddening because millions of women are looking for this kind of guy.(My husband cannot find anything in the Kitchen even when he decides to cook which has been…….twice in the last year…………so I end up hovering around him while he cooks)
Despite how digusted I am by this lady, a comment on this video is the crux of today’s article. The commenter said that and I quote “this is how ‘playas’ are born.That no guy ever becomes one (a playa) without being disappointed by a woman” Realllllyyyy???. Let’s analyse? Shall we?
So who is a playa? I googled Urban Dictionary to find out its definition of a playa. (Visit Urban dictionary for some amazing humorous definitions of Black Americans’ slangs)
known love offender, known also as a notorious heart breaker, one who engages in flirtatious, seductive and/or scandalous liaisons of little to no meaning and/or feeling, with the opposite sex.
Sounds like an absolutely horrid person right? So I wondered If truly one(or two or a thousand) heart breaks could turn an absolutely nice guy into this. Is it true in any or all circumstances? Even in some stupid Love movies, the Romeo always starts off as a womanizing jerk and later we find out that the reason for that is because of some heartbreak he suffered earlier. As I always do, I conducted a survey with over 25 male friends (some single, some married) to find out their opinions whether the assertion that ‘Behind every playa lies a broken heart was true or was a Wash’ ( A wash is a slang meaning A Line to deceive). The overwhelming consensus (aside a few dissenters here and there) was
You have got to love guys. They are brutally honest even about themselves
Now I cannot list all the views, but I am going to just put three that I believe were the most poignant
OmoOba Yusuf- A playa is a playa by choice. Heart break doesn’t produce playas. A lot of guys have been heartbroken but still respect women and are committed to their new relationship. Girls suffer more heart break than boys. Are they now “playa-resses”
Okechukwu – No such thing. It is such a title given to a guy that preys on weak girls. Because No one can successfully be a “playa’ without making mistakes. So simply the woman chooses to ignore them. If a woman were to dump a guy’s ass when she knows he is cheating, there would be no such thing as playas. No guy is that smooth. The girls just ignore the signs.
Henry- Wash! Every guy has a natural proclivity to bed several women, it just takes a combination of discipline(rooted in moral or religious consideration), financial wherewithal, fear of STDs to curb such natural inclination. (Way too many Big words Henry(We lawyers like to overcomplicate issues with big words). In Translation, Everyone can be a “playa’, But they CHOOSE not to. (See how much easier it sounds when I say it. Ha Ha)
So by now you have probably figured out whose side I am on. I personally believe it is a BLOODY WASH. Let’s face it. Over 90 percent of people have had their heart-broken by one person or the other. If the entire 90 percent decide to become “playas’, who is left to be played? I have always been a staunch believer of “He slaps you, Slap him back’ not “He slaps you, you go to his house, slap his mother, father and nephew and on your way out, slap the neighbour and the old lady walking by as well” That is exactly what guys who give the excuse of previous heartbreaks as a reason for becoming playas, do. They hurt people who are not responsible for their hurt. It’s like an Aids carrier who decided to sleep around with the intention of infecting others. It is wrong. It is sick. Being a playa is nothing to be proud of.
That being said, ladies also have a hand in this. Ladies seem to have an attraction for bad boys….rebels. It’s sad that some perfectly nice guys believe that they have to fit the bad boy image to get the girls that they like. You see girls crying over guys who constantly cheat on them and yet put guys who would treat them like a queen in the friend zone. Do we have a problem? Definitely….. It applies to both sexes, though mostly to women. Treat people right. It’s not that hard. You CANNOT change people. People choose to change themselves. Playas choose to be Playas. Nobody made that change for them. That is it. It is not complicated.
P.S If your heart were to truly break, You would be dead. Who invented the word anyway?
My dear readers alike, male and female, take the poll and let me have your views. Am I being too judgemental and only seeing the glass half full?
Drop a line, let’s converse.