Soldier Come Soldier Go. Time to stop the Fear.

Dear Hera,

Hello.Four years ago, My brother started dating a girl in our neighbourhood. At that time, he was doing his Masters program and she was the only daughter of a retired military officer. She has three brothers in different positions in the military. She stayed with her father and the brothers stay at Dodan Barracks. Then I and his friends warned him about dating her because we were afraid that if he were to break her heart, he would end up in a guardroom and become a statistic. He didn’t listen. Then she got pregnant. Of course her family insisted on a wedding right away. He had no choice because he was intimidated and threatened by her brothers. He didn’t finish his masters and had to go look for a job. They got married. She had a boy.
As the boy grew older, he bore a very disturbing resemblance to another neighbour of ours. I and another friend proceeded on a covert operation to get the neighbour in question very drunk so that he could spill the beans. It worked. He confessed that he had sexual relations with my brother’s wife at the time they were dating; that he knew the boy was his and If he is never able to bear a male child, he would come take his son back. We recorded this and gave it to my brother. He was extremely angry. He took the recording to one of her brothers who scoffed and said that people had been teasing this neighbour for years that the child looked like him. That the statements made were most likely made in Jest. My brother said he was going to do a paternity test and he laughed and warned him not to try it if he values his life.

Now my brother does not know what to do. Me i dey vex, because I know he should go ahead and damn the consequences. Is he going to stay with the whore that lied to him till her brothers die. It is unfair. Yes, I know that military in Nigeria are dangerous but it doesn’t mean that my brother should sacrifice his rest of his life. Please advise.


Wow. Your matter thick. For readers who do not understand, my home country Nigeria has had over 30 years of military rule and a good number of Nigerians know better than to mess with soldiers. Unlike the soldiers in movies who are usually courteous and almost gentlemanly in their conducts, the Nigerian soldiers are perceived as intimidating and brutish. Now, this is just a perception and I am sure that we have very good officers.

naija soldier

Usually, I would have simply stated that your brother should stop being a wimp and do what he needs to do, but as a Nigerian, I understand his fear. I understand his hesitation. So, like I always do, I went to my team of awesome men that I usually consult for suggestions whenever I am stuck on an issue.

Unequivocally, they all agreed that your brother ought to go ahead with a paternity test. They stated that while they do understand the fear of the military, but in an issue this sensitive and serious, he should not hesitate to do what he needs to do. This is his life. The brothers and father are living theirs. Yes, it is going to be difficult and it will take some time to resolve but it is doable.

Meanwhile, do not call your sister-in-law a whore based on a drunk guy’s testimony. That is disrespectful. Give your sister-in-law the benefit of the doubt, and let your brother tell her about the paternity test. If she is innocent, she will be hurt but she will agree to do it because consent of both parties are needed for paternity test. If your sister-in-law is being difficult, advise your brother to go to the police and get a report written out. Then he should go to court. He should also let the brothers know that he has informed the police and If anything happens to him, they would get in trouble. I have friends who have friends who have friends in high military positions, so If your brother is serious about pursuing this (Because at the end of the day, your opinion does not matter. It is his house, his home and his desire to pursue the matter), they would be glad to help. I have already contacted them and they will do the needful (see, I can be nice).

Never forget. We have one of the most free press in Africa, so if he does not feel safe, let him go to the newspapers or social media and put the world on notice. It is not the dark ages. No one should live in fear or spend the rest of their lives feeling like they have been scammed into marriage or that one day someone can come and claim their son.
timthumb My opinion.

So my dear readers, what do you think of this situation? What do you suggest?

4 Comments Add yours

  1. tuoyo says:

    I say the dude should take the test. It’s not right that someone should live in fear like that

  2. J. Great Ihu says:

    With FAMILY of soldiers. Shebi u get mind go there b4? No be them find trouble ooo 😀

  3. J. Great Ihu says:

    Seriously though, Hera, that guy might need the hand of God. It seems you have been away from Naija for a bit too long. You should know… I wouldn’t try what he did in my 10th life. Lol. Don’t even know what to say…

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