No One Stole Your Man…….Except He was Jazzed…

I came across this on a Facebook Friend’s status. Kayode Ogunnusi. I decided to have a little fun with it. Now the first part of the title may be true for the rest of the world, but in some parts of Africa and Nigeria in particular, we have what is known as ‘juju’. You can call it voodoo, witchcraft, or as my generation likes to call it – Jazz. Some people don’t believe in Jazz at all. Other believe and practice Jazz. I am sometimes torn because of my religion and western education, but I sort of believe in it too. A woman can literally steal your man’s heart and make him hate you through some well placed jazz. Yeah, I can feel your scepticism, but I have heard many gist about it. So there might be an element of truth. Who knows?

This is Kayode’s piece remixed by me. Words in Italics are mine

No One Stole Your Man………. Except he was Jazzed


Accept that he got weak in the face of
another woman and made an irresponsible
decision to touch a body that wasn’t
his to touch. (Or she used some white powder
jazz and scattered his dada–head)

When he left you, was there a leash
around his neck? Was he muted and
chained, unable to fight to come back to
you when that other woman ‘took’ him?
(His soul must be trapped in a bottle
somewhere in a shrine)

Nobody stole your man! Regardless of
whether she knew you were with him, he
knew HE was with you, but decided to cheat.
(he may not remember you at all
because he is probably jazzed)

So why do you fight HER like she broke
your heart when he’s the one that
trampled it to the ground,
(you fight her because you know she
jazzed him)

After a deep-sighed puppy eyed plea,
“I’m sorry baby, I’ll never do it
again”, the one who betrayed you more
gets the most love?
(Maybe he temporarily snapped out of the Jazz
and came back home. Don’t you watch Nigerian
movies. The cheating man is always jazzed)

Nobody stole your man! Stop hating on a
woman who simply lived her life and was
approached by a man who publicly
disowned you for sex. None of his male
friends stopped him,(they didn’t know he was jazzed)
and trust me baby
They sat and laughed, joked together and
gave him a nod when he walked out of that
bar with her to turn her inside-out, in ways
he never does you, because you’re too
‘tired’ and comfortable with your secretly
crumbling relationship.
(they are probably also jazzed by ‘association’)

Nobody stole your man! So stop
embarrassing yourself and speaking badly
about an innocent woman (Innocent?? Ha! Witch, you mean)
when every other night he secretly distorts your
reputation with his frisky, boyish charm,
texting I love you‘s that you later
discovered were from 5 other women’s
(The five other women have jazzed him too)


You know he’s a charming trouser
snake, yet you keep him thinking he’s
gonna change when he’s not ready to call
you My All, but opts to chug-tequila at a
bar and bring home a colorful bouquet of
STD’s for you to keep.
(STD not his fault, he is currently Jazzed)

Now he will eventually leave him and you will say
men are dogs,( They are except the jazzed ones)
when in actual fact you don’t
know what a man is because a man
doesn’t do to you what he did, but your
bitter, remorseful heart is going to keep
hating on men, yet turning around to give
that asshole another chance, only to get
disappointed again, and create an even
longer list of women to hate while your
‘man to love’ list stays at 1.

I feel sorry for you. You don’t deserve to
get your heart-broken, but you’re too busy
admiring the view from the bottom that
you’re forgetting what a priceless gem you
are. You’re failing to recognise that you are
with a boy, not a man. (She is with a Man, He is
just not currently in his right senses. Not his fault)


Just for Laughs. There is an underlining serious issue. Smile, but don’t forget the message.

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