I hate my sister. She ruined my life

Hello,
My name is Bunmi and I have not spoken to my sister in five years. It is a long story, but I will try to explain it as best as I can. I have an immediate younger sister, we will call her Dupe. I am two years older than her. Six years ago, I met a man who wanted to marry me. My sister hated him for no good reason and went around badmouthing him to all our family and friends. We have a very physical altercation and she was hospitalized. I eventually got married to him, even though my parents were against it. My sister didn’t help me with planning or anything. She just sat there at the reception like a complete stranger. When our first child was born, she didn’t come visit, only sent a gift. I am her older sister. I am not supposed to go and beg her. She has not stepped in my home since we got married. I never thought we would ever have this kind of issue considering how close we all were. Infact, her bad karma jinxed my life and jinxed my marriage, because now I am separated from my husband and he is the process of filing the divorce. I blame her because all the negativity and all the bad blood that my family had towards him is because of her. The evil girl called me for the first time in years after my separation. She said she called to console me but I know she called to gloat. I won’t lie. I said some very mean things to her. Very mean. Now last week, I got an invitation from her for her wedding. She sent a letter with it asking me to be her chief bridesmaid. Can you imagine? after all she has done, she wants to rub it in that she is now getting married and i am now a divorcee. See why I hate her? Everyone is telling me to chill, to go for the wedding, to be the bigger person. no one sees my side. No ones sees my pain. My parents threatened to write me off if I don’t go for the wedding. It’s so unfair that i am now the villain and she is the angel. She broke my marriage and now she has stolen my family’s affections. What do I do

Bunmi

When I received this mail 2 days ago, I was very sceptic. First, it sounded like a movie with so much drama and I cannot imagine a scenario where I would not speak to my siblings for five years or that I would beat my sibling to the point of hospitalization over a man…over anything. (I have never even fought with my sisters. Brothers, definitely, but only as kids and I always lost, but in my mind, I was proving a point. Only in my mind) There were so many holes that I had to send a mail back asking for more details. I needed some clarifications. She replied tonight with a really long mail. This is the summary of her response

‘The reason why my sister hated my soon to be ex husband was that she said she had observed his behaviour with elderly people and with people of lower class. She concluded that he was arrogant, rude and obnoxious. That he would be a big mistake. she doesn’t have to like the man I am with but she does not have to go telling family that he did this to this person, he did that to that person. She made them hate him………….Yeah, she went to the hospital but it was not that serious, mostly hair pulling and I had kicked her mouth with my knee when we were pulling each other hair. She lost a tooth and went to the hospital. It is not as if I beat her blue-black over a man………… My sister and I were very close. No, I never saw her as a vindictive person and no , I don’t think I am misconstruing her intentions. She has always been an “I told you so’ kind of person. And I am sure she is very happy that she was right……..She is responsible for the break of my marriage because she brought in negative energy from the beginning. She caused friction all around with her big mouth and selfishness. She was jealous that I had found someone to marry because she had always considered herself the finer sister and she did her best to bring me down. Let her put herself in my shoes. shey she is getting married now. What if I decide to go telling family and friends that her husband is wrong for her. Won’t that bad air, that negativity ruin any chance that a marriage has to survive? I am not saying we were perfect. but we would have been able to work through our problems. I would have made some better decisions if i was able to go to my mother for solutions, but I couldn’t because they already hated him and they were all looking for a reason to bash him. Now, after I got separated, she called. She knows why she called and it was not to console. I am not mistaking her intentions. And to ask me to be her chief bridesmaid……are you kidding me? How dare she? I know I come across bitter, but I AM bitter. I hate my sister. She ruined my life.

I have to say I have never been more disturbed by any mail I have ever received. I could feel the anger and the hurt emanating from the mail. I decided to correspond one on one with her, but she asked that I put it up on the blog. She wants to read people’s views. She wants to know if she is wrong, if she is crazy? She wants to know what she should do next.

So my dear readers, what advice can you proffer for Bunmi? what do you think of her tale. How can we bring this family together. Please respond. She will be reading.

sister's feud

Read her sister’s response here

13 Comments

  1. Well bummi,thr r thns u r nt sayn buh frm d lil u wrote I go comment,u cn go fr d weddn buh dnt do d CBM,I dnt bliv u guys were close cus wch1 b she think she is finer n bla bla,ur hubby arrogant n rude isn’t enuff to breed bad blood btw ur folks n ur hubby,thrs more to dt,

  2. if I was in your shoes I would give them all (sister, family) a taste of the medicine i.e. bad mouthing the groom prior to the wedding, to see how they like it
    next I’ll sit like a stranger at the wedding
    there’s no point pretending tis all copacetic when it isn’t, do not allow anyone make you betray yourself
    but seriously pray to your GOD for the strength to do what’s right…find a way to forgive her-for your own sake

  3. From what I’ve read, I can feel the anger. It is easier said than done but she is younger than you so maybe you should call her before the wedding and talk everything over. She may have turned your family against him which is wrong but have you considered that she may have been right but you just didn’t want to hear what she was saying? Your family must have seen something you didn’t.

    I agree with Priscilla. If you meet up with her and talk things over, explain that at this point in your relationship and after what has gone on, it wouldn’t be the best thing to be her Chief Bridesmaid.

    Instead of keeping away from your house and not seeing your child, your sister should have been there. She may not have liked him but no one should keep sisters away from each other.

    At the end of the day, she’s your sister and especially being older, you have to swallow your pride and be there for her. I can not tell you the amount of times I have said sorry to my younger sister even when I was right. She’s your family and family is what matters most in the world. People may come and go but it is your family that will always be there.

  4. 5 whole years! Are u kidding me??? All because of a man that might eventually leave her???Seriously I don’t think Bunmi told us the whole truth. Yes the sister can be a pain in the ass but I don’t think her actions are enough to wreck her marraige. Instead of hating, Bunmi should try and mend fences with her family. The world will be a better place if we can just take responsibility for our actions or inactions.

  5. Bunmi it seems to you really have three people in the way of your happiness………They are known as ME,MYSELF, AND I. If you continue to drag that bag of bitterness around with you, you will create your on hell in your lifetime. In the end you will stuff a coffin with Bitter Old Bones, which no one will be there to mourn the loss of. It could be that your sister was right about your husband all along, you just refused to see it.

  6. Bunmi, 2 wrongs don’t make it right else i could have said go and mope at her wedding the way she moped at urs but my advice is for you to go and sit with ur sister and parents and trash this whole issue even if it means inviting ur ex husband. The idea is to end perpetually, this feud dat has crept into ur family. Unless we got the whole story wrong, there isn’t any biggy in coming together.

  7. If what your sister said about your husband was true,then you really should not have married the man.You pratically gave up your family for this guy and he has left you.No,she did not ruin your life,you did that all by yourself and the “negative energy” is from yo,don’t go blaming her. Yes,what she did was wrong,telling everyone your business,it was downright disrespectful but you can’t blame her for your problems,they are all yours. Somehow,I don’t think she asked you to be her cheif bride’s maid just to rub it in your face,I don’t think any bride would want to be surrounded by all that hate on her wedding day.
    My advise,talk to your sister and tell her how you really feel,we are outsiders and we can give any advice,it is you that would have to live with which advice you choose to follow.
    In my opinion,you don’t dismiss an old family just because you are starting a new one,no matter what,it is your “old” family that will really be with you through thick and thin and in your case,through seperation.
    And by the way,I know a thing or two about annoying younger sisters but it’s not worth loosing your peace over.

  8. Bunmi, I can see you’re hurt and i honestly and completely empathize with you. Your side of the story is all I have so i’ll say this: Hatred is a dangerous path to follow and it would hurt you more than it would hurt her….it seems like the cliche thing to say but Try to forgive her…please!. As to whether or not you should be the chief bride’s maid: I guess you have a decision to make. Try to bridge the five years gap. It might take a while but life is volatile and death happens(hopefully it won’t). Again i sympathise with you on everything you’ve had to go through..I can Only imagine the pain you feel..it’s not my place to tell you what to do but Please forgive her so you don’t have to regret not forgiving her. Have a great life ahead, God bless you…

  9. Bunmi…You’re angry and bitter. I get it. Having a marriage go bad, knowing it’s going to end in divorce is a very difficult place to be in your life. BUT, to me it seems you’re focusing your hate and energy on the wrong person. You have issues in your marriage. Only you and he can work that out, or choose not to work it out. No advice in the world would have changed the results. Why? I’m guessing it’s because you’re a head-strong, stubborn woman who won’t consider anyone else’s perspective, especially if it differs from what she wants to hear.
    It’s been 5 years. A lot can happen in 5 years. Your sister made mistakes. You made mistakes. But you 2 don’t even really know each other anymore, it’s been that long.
    So, by wanting this issue made in to a blog, either you wanted to justify your actions and anger, or you sincerely wanted to find a way to repair the damage and reunite with your sister and family. So, which is it?

  10. chei!!! nawah ooo!!! how can the ranting of one person turn the whole family away you? u no get alibi for ur family ni?babe go and check ur self oo. and try everything possible to keep ur hubby oooo.. single life no be am..

  11. having read the sister’s reply, i take back my comment.. bunmi was suffering form insecurities.. and dupe shld ve known the type of sister she had.. she shld ve just kept quite insteadof telling people.. attimes, its better if we make our own mistakes.. even if its as costly as marriage

  12. Pingback: I hate my sister. She ruined my life 2. Her Sister’s Response | Hera Pereira

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