My name is Bunmi and I have not spoken to my sister in five years. It is a long story, but I will try to explain it as best as I can. I have an immediate younger sister, we will call her Dupe. I am two years older than her. Six years ago, I met a man who wanted to marry me. My sister hated him for no good reason and went around badmouthing him to all our family and friends. We have a very physical altercation and she was hospitalized. I eventually got married to him, even though my parents were against it. My sister didn’t help me with planning or anything. She just sat there at the reception like a complete stranger. When our first child was born, she didn’t come visit, only sent a gift. I am her older sister. I am not supposed to go and beg her. She has not stepped in my home since we got married. I never thought we would ever have this kind of issue considering how close we all were. Infact, her bad karma jinxed my life and jinxed my marriage, because now I am separated from my husband and he is the process of filing the divorce. I blame her because all the negativity and all the bad blood that my family had towards him is because of her. The evil girl called me for the first time in years after my separation. She said she called to console me but I know she called to gloat. I won’t lie. I said some very mean things to her. Very mean. Now last week, I got an invitation from her for her wedding. She sent a letter with it asking me to be her chief bridesmaid. Can you imagine? after all she has done, she wants to rub it in that she is now getting married and i am now a divorcee. See why I hate her? Everyone is telling me to chill, to go for the wedding, to be the bigger person. no one sees my side. No ones sees my pain. My parents threatened to write me off if I don’t go for the wedding. It’s so unfair that i am now the villain and she is the angel. She broke my marriage and now she has stolen my family’s affections. What do I do
When I received this mail 2 days ago, I was very sceptic. First, it sounded like a movie with so much drama and I cannot imagine a scenario where I would not speak to my siblings for five years or that I would beat my sibling to the point of hospitalization over a man…over anything. (I have never even fought with my sisters. Brothers, definitely, but only as kids and I always lost, but in my mind, I was proving a point. Only in my mind) There were so many holes that I had to send a mail back asking for more details. I needed some clarifications. She replied tonight with a really long mail. This is the summary of her response
‘The reason why my sister hated my soon to be ex husband was that she said she had observed his behaviour with elderly people and with people of lower class. She concluded that he was arrogant, rude and obnoxious. That he would be a big mistake. she doesn’t have to like the man I am with but she does not have to go telling family that he did this to this person, he did that to that person. She made them hate him………….Yeah, she went to the hospital but it was not that serious, mostly hair pulling and I had kicked her mouth with my knee when we were pulling each other hair. She lost a tooth and went to the hospital. It is not as if I beat her blue-black over a man………… My sister and I were very close. No, I never saw her as a vindictive person and no , I don’t think I am misconstruing her intentions. She has always been an “I told you so’ kind of person. And I am sure she is very happy that she was right……..She is responsible for the break of my marriage because she brought in negative energy from the beginning. She caused friction all around with her big mouth and selfishness. She was jealous that I had found someone to marry because she had always considered herself the finer sister and she did her best to bring me down. Let her put herself in my shoes. shey she is getting married now. What if I decide to go telling family and friends that her husband is wrong for her. Won’t that bad air, that negativity ruin any chance that a marriage has to survive? I am not saying we were perfect. but we would have been able to work through our problems. I would have made some better decisions if i was able to go to my mother for solutions, but I couldn’t because they already hated him and they were all looking for a reason to bash him. Now, after I got separated, she called. She knows why she called and it was not to console. I am not mistaking her intentions. And to ask me to be her chief bridesmaid……are you kidding me? How dare she? I know I come across bitter, but I AM bitter. I hate my sister. She ruined my life.
I have to say I have never been more disturbed by any mail I have ever received. I could feel the anger and the hurt emanating from the mail. I decided to correspond one on one with her, but she asked that I put it up on the blog. She wants to read people’s views. She wants to know if she is wrong, if she is crazy? She wants to know what she should do next.
So my dear readers, what advice can you proffer for Bunmi? what do you think of her tale. How can we bring this family together. Please respond. She will be reading.
Read her sister’s response here