I hate my sister. She ruined my life 2. Her Sister’s Response

Three days ago when I first published Bunmi’s story, I got a couple of mails from readers who wanted to hear the sister’s side of the tale. I thought it was a bad idea and would be very intrusive. Against my better judgement, I asked Bunmi if I could get in contact with her sister. I expected a resounding ‘Hell No’, but instead she gave me her email address (the fact that she still has her sister’s email after 5 years of supposed ‘hatred’ says something). So, I emailed the sister, told her about the blog and her sister’s feelings. Her immediate response was if the sister did not deem it fit to talk to her face to face and instead decided to write to a blog, she had nothing to say. I thanked her and dropped it with a huge sigh of relief. Then an hour later, she e-mailed me again asking if her sister did write all that or if I embellished the story. I told her, I reconstructed the paragraphs but there was no embellishment. At this point, she asked if I was on Yahoo Messenger. I didn’t know that still existed but I said yes.

Now we chatted for over an hour. She brought up a lot of new issues, but I am only going to publish her response to her sister’s accusations. This is a summary of ‘Dupe’s’ side to this story.

My sister and I were quite close growing up. We had a good relationship. I was always stealing her clothes. We fought. We played. normal normal. My sister put on a lot of weight at a time. I didn’t. I think that is when we began to have a little bit of serious friction beyond normal sister fighting because she started saying some mean things. But it was nothing serious. Then this guy came along. Let’s call him Desmond. Desmond was a very ok guy. Good job, good house. I was happy for my sister that she has found someone to marry. We used to hang out together, the two of them and me and my now fiance. I began to notice something off about him. He had the nastiest mouth ever. He was always rude to the three of us, including her and said nasty things to complete strangers. More than 3 occasions, Desmond had gotten into fights when we were there and Goodness knows how many when we were not there. He was borderline rude to my folks and my sister knew all this, but for some reason, she seemed ok with it. I was not. I had a very bad vibe and I knew if he could do this to strangers, imagine what he would do to her if they marry. I talked to her. She said he was good to her and that’s all that matters. Yes, I did discuss the matter with two female cousins who we were also very close with and were older than her because obviously she was not listening to me. I did not go about badmouthing him, but I guess the gist spread. Yes it was partially my fault, I will agree but my intentions were good.

My sister and I got into a fight. It’s been 5 years. I cannot recall what led up to it, but all I know she slapped me first and I retaliated in anger. She knocked out my tooth, didn’t come see me in the hospital and asked me not to interfere in her life. So I didn’t. She did not involve me in any of the wedding plans. I didn’t go to her wedding and sit like a stranger. I was busy running errands for my mom all day long, serving guests and making sure the wedding did not fall apart. I didn’t go and dance with her. That would be hypocritical of me and knowing my sister, if I had gone to dance, she would have embarrassed me. I was very excited when she gave birth. I thought that things would be better by now. So I asked my mum to stylishly find out if it would be ok if I came to the hospital. Her response to my mum “What is she coming to look for?’. So, I didn’t go. I sent over a very expensive gift for the baby. There was no acknowledgement and no response. I figured that obviously she was not interested in settling with me and I let her be.

When I heard she got separated, I was very sad. Yes, I didn’t approve of the marriage but I never wanted them to break up. I called a month after I first heard the news. It took all the courage in the world and she gave me the insults of my life. I remembered saying that ‘Wow, Desmond’s bad mouth had rubbed off on you sha’. She continued with the expletives and I hung up. Maybe I should not have said that but being insulted was very annoying. A year later, I was getting married and my mother said that this rubbish with my sister had gone on long enough and I needed to fix things if she won’t. So I sent her a letter. I was not going to call again. I apologised and begged her in the letter. I asked her if she would do me the honour of being my chief bridesmaid because I wanted her to have a major role in the wedding. I thought that was the highest title I could give her. She didn’t respond but I heard gist from family members that I insulted her. I have been told my approach was wrong, but I didn’t think so. It was not as if she had gotten separated yesterday. I couldn’t have asked her to be mother of the day, so what other major role would I have asked her to play?

When I read your blog and realised that she thinks I ruined her life, i was shocked. How? How do I ruin her life? Which kind of negative energy? Is she calling me a witch? She painted me as one vindictive malicious devil and I have to say I am very disappointed that she thinks like this. Why is Desmond not being blamed and I am? I love and miss my sister, but that person that wrote that on your blog is not this sister I knew. That person can kill me. I sincerely believe so. I have a wedding in 2 months. I would want my sister to be there but the hatred is too much for me. For her to says she hates me and I ruined her life is an indication that even after 5 years, she is not ready to make peace. My parents are also pushing me to settle. I don’t mind settling but she has to let go of the bitterness. She has to be willing to sit down in a family meeting. She has alienated everyone, not just me. And it is all my fault?? Those commenting that she should forgive me. what did I DO that was so awful?? I have been carrying this fight for 5 years. I am tired and right now, I don’t think if settling is in our nearest future

Dupe

Well, readers, that’s the other side of the coin. Please, when commenting, don’t take sides. That’s not what they need. It’s what they want, obviously everyone wants to be supported. But they don’t need it. I am not giving my opinion because my opinion is short, (YOU ARE SISTERS. GET OVER YOURSELF AND MAKE PEACE!) but not productive. So I turn to others who can give a more productive response than I can. Can these sisters come together and bury the hatchet? drop a line

sister's feud

7 Comments

  1. Good dt we v both sides to d story,bummi let go of d bitterness and go mke peace with ur sister! Stop blaming any1 fr ur mistakes,Dupe dt ur sister cme to a blog shows tht she wants to rEconcile buh dnt knw to! May God help u guys to meet ech order half way!

    • little sister is manipulative and changes facts around. know the type. I have one just like and she virtually ruined my life and my chance at happiness with the man I had married. Are you kidding me? She’s a devil in disguise. She is a master at convincing people that she is the innocent victim in this. No way. Ditch the bad apple.

  2. I really really wish I could take a side here. But like you said, it aint what they need right now. Firstly I believe everyone has to take their own responsibilities and not shift blames. For Bunmi, accept that even thou yur sis may nt have been in favour of yur weddn, break-ups are entirely the fault of the couple and no1 else, yu too swore a bond to each oda n no external ‘negative energy’ can break dat except the couple let it.
    As for Dupe, yu need to accept the blame dat no matter yur personal impression of an individual esp 1 bethroted (if I can use dat word) to yur sibling (or even yur friend), yu shud neva start talking around about dat person, cos bad gist tends to spread n get spiced up along the way.
    The solution of dis howeva rest on yur parents, only dem can serve as the neutral mediators in dis issue (I wonder y dey dint do so in d last 5yrs)
    All the best sha

  3. girls lifes too short to have bitterness for each other.Godforbid one of dies wont u regret not making up with the other.in my opinion throwing stones wont help but both of u shld be the bigger one.let go and live,love and laugh.

  4. oomy!!!! i wld also warn my siblings when i see something off kilter about their spouse, but people in love are soo blind to stuffs and often get angry when its being said that the love of their life is not perfect afterall.. i tried to advice my bro too but he shunned me. he has separated from the lady and he regrets that he didnt listen to me. its high time we educated ourselves that when we are in love, we dont see the obvious and we shld know that that sibling we thot was beautiful has no reason to hurt us by saying what we dont want to hear.. infact, if bunmi had been reading books on relationships, she wld have known that most relationship experts encourage us to watch how our prospective spouse respond to outsiders, gatemen, waiters etc cos thats the same way they will behave when the loveydovey air has evaporated.. .. its just a pity…

  5. Pingback: I hate my sister. She ruined my life | Hera Pereira

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