Saw in your ‘ABOUT’ that you were/are a lawyer. I am wondering if you could give me some advice. I know people are probably not going to be very sympathetic to my issue, but no one is perfect. So no one should judge me.
My story is similar to a Nigerian movie which I hate, but it happened. Back in the university in 1999, I met this girl. ‘Lolade’. She was eighteen at the time and a fresher. I was twenty-one and in 200 level. She came from an extremely sheltered background and knew next to nothing about men or relationship. We started dating. It was a good time for both of us. At a point, we started having sex. Now Lolade didn’t know anything about birth control, so I was in charge of making sure we were both safe. I know I slipped up a couple of times, but I believed I withdrew all the time.
A year and a half later, it was the summer holidays and I was at home. I don’t get to see her in the holidays because she lived quite far and that time, GSM were just taking off and I had not gotten a phone. One Sunday, She showed up at my house with her parents unannounced. My heart knew right away what she was here for. I knew that I was in serious trouble and my father was going to kill me. Like I feared, her dad told mine that their daughter was pregnant for me. I was called in and I did something I am still ashamed of today. I denied her . I threw a tantrum and made a scene basically calling her a liar and a whore. Lolade was silent and just kept looking at me. I avoided her gaze. Her parents were also silent. When I was done denying, her father simply said ‘Since your son said he is not responsible, we have nothing more to say.’ They left without another word. My parent drilled me that night trying to get me to confess. I kept lying and lying, that at one point, I began to believe it. I have no excuse for my actions. I was young. I was stupid. Lolade never came back to school. I assumed she aborted the baby. I never saw her again
2013. I am now married with a 7 month old baby girl. I am living well. I decided to stop by shoprite to pick a few things. I bump into this kid who is almost as tall as me. Now this boy was my carbon copy. Every single feature was exactly like mine, only he was more handsome and taller. I struck up a conversation with him. I was so impressed at his eloquence considering he said he was just 12. He had great teeth and I found myself wishing that one day my wife would have a boy who looked and spoke like him . Then, to my amazement, another boy joined him, also the splitting image of me. Identical twins. He introduced his brother as kehinde. He was Taiwo. Now Kehinde was more cautious with me and not as free as his brother. Then I heard a female voice call them. They waved and left. I turned to see who had called them and as you have probably guessed by now, it was her. it was Lolade. She did not see me and they left. I was motionless for a long time and then began to calculate the boys’ age to the period back in 2001. I realized then that this could very well be my kids.
Now I don’t know what to do or where to start? I can’t imagine that Lolade would forgive me. I really want the boys. I don’t know if they have a step father, but all I know is that I love them and I would like to help raise them financially and otherwise. I know they won’t be hard to find but I am not sure if what I am doing is right. I am afraid of the lives I will disrupt. Lolade’s; Her parents; My parents (who would be sorely disappointed); and my wife’s. I am thinking of going to court and asking for joint custody or something. Do Nigerian Law allow that? Am I being selfish? Am I forever going to be deprived of my kids because of a stupid decision I made years ago? Don’t the kids deserve a father who loves them? I intend to do whatever it takes to be in my kids’ lives. I intend to see a lawyer tomorrow to find my options.
Then I calmed down and tried to think of it rationally. We all make mistakes. What you did in 2001 is not new. There are thousands of boys out there who deny fathering a child. The girls are the one left carrying the burden. You were selfish then and thought only of yourself. I suspect that you are being selfish now thinking only of yourself. Why? because your first reaction is to go to Court. Why should that be your first move? You have not even tried finding out how their lives are. You have not even considered going to beg her. You are considering going to court to ask for joint custody for a pregnancy you denied 13 years ago. Come on Benny! Come on!
Now, I don’t know you at all. I can only assume that you are being sincere. You know the right thing to do. Tell your wife. Go to your parents. Apologise and Beg them for the lies you told. They would be hurt. They would be disappointed. Eventually, they may come around and help you beg lolade’s parents. Thank God they were not rude to them in any way 13 years ago and were equally fooled too. You keep apologizing. You keep begging. They will not forgive you immediately, but with enough sincerity and time, they may allow you see the boys. Do not think Courts.
Dear Readers, that’s my own opinion. do you think going to court would help Benny? Do you think he deserves a chance with his kids? Drop a line.