Hello everyone, happy new month. It is a beautiful day. I had a zombie nightmare last night. Luckily for me, I had a gun that actually worked. I fired the gun and blew up the zombie’s head (hurray). However, in typical nightmarish style, the Zombie didn’t die and kept coming. I remember thinking “*&^% this. That’s cheating”. Then I woke up and I smiled. Usually you wake up from Nightmares when you are about to die. I woke up because my rational head interfered with dream world. So I win.
Aha, that’s enough rambling for today. I got a mail from a Ghanaian. Usually, most of my mails come from Nigeria, but now I got one from Ghana. Pretty cool right? Kawula(hello). Thanks for reading. Thanks for sharing your story. I will be brutally honest with you, but I am glad you wrote to me (In other news, we kicked your butt during the Nations Cup, ha ha ha). Ok. Serious. Here is Louisa’s story.
Hello. I hope you can help me with my dilemma. I know a lot of people are likely to judge me, but as they judge, I hope that they can give me real solid advice as well because I really can’t tell anyone else.
I have a good friend. For the purpose of this write-up, I changed our names and our schools. I am sure you understand. Nana and I have been very good friends for 7 years. Nana is very pretty and gets all the attention. I am quite dark and ordinary looking. I have spent a good part of my life in Nana’s shadow, but that has never really bothered me. Nana is a nice girl. Yeah, she did a lot of things that hurt my feelings and have taken away the attentions of guys that I admired, but I know she never did any of that intentionally. She is not that type. I guess it is just one of the things that comes with having a very hot friend.
In the last three years, Nana began to date a guy, Kwame. Kwame was a very good-looking guy. He had a good job and a good house and seemed really nice. I admit. I was always attracted to him. All they seemed to do was fight and fight. I didn’t understand why they remained together, when all they did was fight. Then Nana got admission into University of Education in Winneba and left Accra. Before she left, they had gotten into a huge fight and broke up. Kwame began to pay attention to me. He would take me out to wonderful locations, talk to me about school, admission and plans for my future. Generally, he made me feel special and wanted. I have never had that feeling before. We started having sex at one point. He was my first. Honestly, do I think of Nana? Not really. I figured in school, she would have met someone else already. she is not the type to be single for long. I rationalized the situation that since they were always fighting, she was not mature enough for him. When he was with me, we got along well.
Three months into our ‘relationship’, I got admission in Kumasi and left as well. I was so heartbroken to leave but felt even worse when he broke off all contact after I left. I could not reach him on his phone. He barred me from Facebook. I felt used, but eventually got over it. Life goes on. I came home this summer for the holiday and met up with Nana. She was so excited. She said that Kwame had proposed to her. I was in disbelief. She went on to say that breaking up with him was the best thing for the relationship. Every since she left, he called her everyday, begging her to come back to him. At a point, she just had to say Yes. The wedding was in three months and she was going to transfer to a university in Accra. while, she was talking, all I kept thinking
“He was sleeping with me, when he was begging her to come back“
I want to tell her what happened. Not solely out of vengeance, though Vengeance plays a small role. She deserves to know the kind of guy she is marrying, doesn’t she? The next time they fight, won’t he sleep with her cousin or her sister? Yes, I am not innocent in the matter. I should not have slept with my friend’s ex, but now we are talking about the REST of her life. I think she deserves to know. Then she can make her own decision whether to go ahead or not. I know she won’t forgive me, though I hope she does, but I believe she deserves to know.
What are your thoughts?
Hmmm…………again another tale that has far-reaching consequences. I have been pondering on your story for a while, so much so that I consulted a few girlfriends for their opinion. Their opinions were that you should not tell. Don’t ruin her life and all that. I cannot agree with them. There is a big difference between a broken relationship and a broken marriage. A huge difference. You have not been a good friend. You know that. You realize that you stand to lose if you tell. If she forgives him, you are gone from her life. If she doesn’t forgive him, you are still likely gone from her life. I have to disagree with my friends’ beliefs about a man being a man and putting all the blame on you. Makes me sad partly as a feminist and partly because I know we(women) are our own worst enemies. That’s a topic for another day.
My opinion would be that you tell. It is not a pleasant thing and no one will be happy, but I have to agree that she deserves to know. A guy who can cheat on you with your friend because he is angry with you, will not stop even after marriage. It swings both ways. If It was a man involved, he still deserves to know. So if she is going to go ahead and marry, she does deserve to have all the facts. That way, whatever decision she makes will be without any lies. I pity her though. Betrayal from two people she loves, is not something one wants to hear. I know the argument that they were broken up, but many people have a huge problem with friends dating a friend’s ex…
Do not act on my own opinion just yet though. I am sure my readers would have plenty to say about this issue. So tune in, read what they have to say and let me know your final decision before you act on it. Dear Readers, to tell or not to tell