My Judgmental Friend ruined one of the best Moments of my Life

Hello everyone. So the The dogs of Al Burhama are back again and even more organized. As I was preparing breakfast for my boss, I noticed another boss(dog) accompanied by two other smaller dogs. They were racing towards something, barking ferociously. Their target turned out to be two other dogs behind a net fence. Obviously the dogs could not get at each other and just kept on barking. For some reason ‘Westside Story’ came to mind. These dogs are the rival gangs and there are probably some poodles on both sides, in a doomed love affair. I strained to see if there were any dogs brooding close by, not involved in the confrontation. I couldn’t see any.(Perhaps this is just Scene one). Will keep an eye out for Scene two. (the height of joblessness)

crazy dogs

Rambling done. I received a mail two days ago. It was an online conversation between two girls that used to be close friends in school.

(Conversation is as is, except for the name changes and the removal of smileys)
Grace- I just had a baby!
Helen-Congrats!!!!
Helen- Wait! What??
Grace- lol
Helen- Babe, you didn’t even invite me to the wedding.
Helen- Hello???
Grace- Babes, I am not married
Helen- Excuse me????
Grace- It is complicated
Helen- What nonsense is this? Were you raped? If na play, stop am
Grace- Nonsense. Are you calling my baby nonsense. Rape? God forbid!
Helen- This is absolutely nonsense. You are telling me that you have a baby and you are not married. What is wrong with you? You that used to be a senior member in fellowship back in school. You that used to stand on the podium and preach to the girls to abstain from sex. You can now open your mouth to not only tell me that you are having sex while not married but that you have a baby too. I am bitterly disappointed in you.
Grace- What is all this na? As my close friend, I expect you to be supportive at least. I don’t need this condemnation from you. What are you ruining the moment?
Helen- You are a single mother. You want me to support that? Babe, we only became friends because we had similar principles about life, sex and marriage. You started all this. You didn’t tell me at all for 9 months and you expect support.
Grace- This is why I didn’t tell you. You are so judgmental
Helen You for no bother tell me at all ooo! Don’t you feel shame??
Grace- What? Go to hell jare!!! Good bye

Grace sent in this conversation with a single message. Why are people so judgmental??.

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The Rush to ‘Obodo Oyinbo’. Is it worth the risk?

Good evening everyone. I finally found a childhood song that I have been searching for weeks. Why was it so hard to find? Well, It was not in English and I had no idea who sang it. My parents recorded it in the 80s. I absolutely loved the video even though I had no idea what was being said. I spent weeks googling ‘Mananinaninama Kombo’ without no success. Luckily, I remembered it had some English lines and I googled that and viola! I found it. It is South African too. What do you know? Enjoy.

Best part 0.45 to 1.00

Rambling done. Topic of the day

Yesterday, a friend contacted me. He wanted to find out some information about the Middle East as he is planning on moving to Kuwait. He said life has become too hard in Nigeria and he is looking for greener pastures. I asked him if he had a job offer. He replied No. I asked him if he had a place to stay. He replied No. I cautioned him that they don’t just hand over visas easily. He responded that he is in the process of securing a three-year working permit visa and is paying half of the money to the agent on Monday. Immediately, I felt red flags because I know that this was in no way legit. I asked how much he would be paying for the visa. he responded 800,000 naira which is roughly 5,000 dollars.

hair tearing

Wait o! Life has become so hard but you have over 5,000 dollars to give someone who is most likely going to bring you over here on a labourer visa. This is not to mention your flight ticket and the cost of living. It makes absolutely no sense. I have never understood the desperation that my people have to leave the country. There are a LOT of people who made it there, without connections and without rich parents. They struggled and they made a name for themselves. I feel sad when I see graduates at home for years. While there are some that have been very unlucky, there are others who found work but felt that the pay was beneath them and decided to hold out for something better. Now those same people would kill for those earlier offers that they rejected.

In the same vein, although there are many people who have made it in foreign lands, there are much more who gave up better opportunities in Nigeria to come here and they end up doing menial jobs. I met someone a while back who sold his store in Lagos and rushed down here. Now he works as a labourer earning 120 dinars which is roughly 48,000 a month. By the time you deduct his cost of living and other expenses, he is left with little or nothing to send home. Now this young man who I was chatting with, is going to spend over a million Naira to come to a country where no job awaits him, no home, no family and really no prospects. Is it worth the risk?

Today, I read a story on Nairaland that made me sad. A student in the UK, whose visa was not even close to expiring, decided to get into a scam marriage with a lady there. Unfortunately for them, the lady had been to the registry in 2011 and was recognized. They were arrested along with the man she had married in 2011, who happens to be a Nigerian as well (face palm) and another accomplice. He was sentenced to 20 months in prison, after which he is likely to be deported. The worst part of the story, he paid 5,000 pounds to the lady for the scam marriage. 5,000 pounds!!!! I cannot wrap my head around it. He had that much funds. He could not use his time wisely, gather more and then use the money raised to open a business back home. He could not look for a job there and get a working permit? I don’t know what drove him to do this. Maybe he had tried my above suggestions and failed. I don’t know. But what I do know is that he is in jail, 5,000 pounds poorer, going to be deported and probably banned from the UK. Again I ask, is it worth the risk?

A friend I broached this topic with, said “I would not understand”. Maybe I don’t. I know there are a lot of desperately poor people out there who feel like they have no choice. In my opinion, I think it is more of ‘get rich quicker’ than any other reason that makes these boys flee the country. if you can raise 500,000 to travel abroad, surely you can find a more useful venture to direct the money in and make profit.

This is my opinion. I don’t have a problem with people wanting a better life for themselves and their families. I know for a fact that there are a lot of people who took the risk of travelling to a country with nothing and ended up making it. However, I don’t think it is that easy anymore. A word of caution. These countries you are rushing to, have their own problems. Someone (I have no idea who) once said “It is better to be a king in your home than a butler in another man’s home’
Please drop your comments. Is my view extremely one-sided? Do I truly not ‘understand’?

Getting Married for all the wrong reasons. I don’t feel butterflies.

I received this mail from a reader last month. Though I was unable to post it, I did respond to her. This is her story.

Dear Hera,

Hi, Hello. I just started reading your blog. I have to say that the post about that exclusive club poo is my favourite. Maybe because I can relate. I am getting married in 3 months and honest to God, I feel nothing for my fiancé. He is a great guy. He is good to me, friendly, rich and doesn’t mind that I am thirty-three years old, but I feel nothing other than friendship for him. There is no butterflies in my stomach when I see or think of him. I really don’t know why I let it get this far. It has been 4 years since anyone has shown any serious interest in settling down with me and my mother has already started to make me feel really uncomfortable. When he approached me, I said yes hoping the feelings would grow. When he asked me to marry him, I must confess the only thought in my head was ‘Yes!!! Finally!!’. Now with the wedding date drawing closer and my feelings not growing, I am scared. I had discussed with my aunty and a close friend. My aunty dismissed it as cold feet, while my friend told me not to be stupid and not to discuss this with anyone else ever again. We are planning this big extravagant wedding and I feel like such a fraud. How can I call it off at this stage? Do I even want to call it off? The thought of the shame is pushing me to go ahead with it? what do you advise?
Susan

(Before posting, I sent a mail to Susan asking if the wedding was still on and She responded in the affirmative)

My response
Wow Susan, your matter get as e be. It is very easy for me to say marriage is not something to settle for. It is very easy for me to say that it better to answer 33 and single, than to answer 35 and divorced. I can give you a whole long lecture on why you should not go ahead with the marriage. However, I am not in your shoes. I do not know where it pinches, but I do understand the emotions you are going through. In a society like ours, being over 30 and not married carries a lot of stigma. I can only imagine how your people would feel if you were to call off the marriage. I can imagine the scorn and gossip that you would suffer. I can imagine people assuming that something must be wrong with you to cancel a wedding at this stage. HOWEVER, unless these people are going to come and leave you with in your marital home, I suggest u put them in a giant tea-spoon and set them adrift in the Atlantic ocean….. Now where to find a giant spoon………..

As for the whole butterflies in stomach bit. Come on! You don’t determine love by some yeye butterflies. Hell! Romance novels are the cause of many girls’ illusion about love. I was never a big fan of the books but my grand illusion came from Indian movies. I always imagined having a guy willing to follow me around singing about his undying love for me and beating up 100 bad guys like Superman for me. Though I still love the romantic Hindi movies, as I grew up, the cynical side of me has realized that their action is really just stalking and forcefully touching the girls who are yet to like them without permission. Romantic novels really just created a false sense of what love truly is.

romantic novelsromantic novels2

Now I am not assuming you love him, but I sincerely hope you are not basing your idea of love on butterflies. Because sometimes love is subtle. You say he is a great guy and because of no butterflies, you don’t wish to be with him. You are no starry-eyed teenager. You are old enough to know love….I think. If you are absolutely sure that you don’t wish to be with him, then for HIS sake, let him find someone who wants him. You are thinking solely of yourself and not about him or his happiness. It is unfair to him to be in a marriage with a woman that doesn’t love him.

So dear readers, what do you think of her situation? Personally, I fear she would go through with the wedding and I don’t think she should. Perhaps you all can give better and more experienced advice than I can.

Eid Mubarak.

Hello everyday. The Ramadan is finally over. Eid Mubarak. It seemed to have gone very quickly. Seems like only yesterday it began. I promise to make it up to all my readers by writing some thrilling articles. Fortunately, I have/had some wonderful ideas during my hiatus. Unfortunately, I had them while I was asleep so I have forgotten most of them. How do I know they were wonderful? I woke up remembering I had a good idea for an article, only I couldn’t remember what the idea was. Genius me right?

So what was I up to this past 30 days? Well, other than the sober reflection bit, I took out time to watch all the Harry Potter movies (childish giggle). It was absolutely thrilling watching all 8 movies again (well, 7, I was unable to download Harry and the Half Blood Prince), but I made up for it for reading up each and every character I could remember on the Harry Potter Wiki. As much as I loved the Deathly Hallow 2, reading the original ending of the final Harry Potter and Volde…you know who’s fight scene, I felt absolutely cheated. They should have kept the book’s ending!!!! who do I sue?

Then there was this whole child marriage debacle in my country which has led me to one conclusion. People only use social media for chatting and passing on rumors. The level of ignorance surrounding this whole matter and passing of lies and half-truths almost made me break my sober reflection promise and write something on it……almost. I consoled myself with educating some people on my Blackberry. This issue still makes me mad. Maybe I would write on it one day. Maybe.

Well, I am back. The clock in my head is still wired to being awake in the early hours of the morning. Hence this late post. Hopefully, it would fix itself soon. Miss having a good night sleep.

Well dear readers, I am sure I was missed. I wasn’t? really? REALLY??? AVADA KEDAVA!!!!!!!

1280_voldemort

Just kidding…..I think. Eid Mubarak everyone