My Judgmental Friend ruined one of the best Moments of my Life

Hello everyone. So the The dogs of Al Burhama are back again and even more organized. As I was preparing breakfast for my boss, I noticed another boss(dog) accompanied by two other smaller dogs. They were racing towards something, barking ferociously. Their target turned out to be two other dogs behind a net fence. Obviously the dogs could not get at each other and just kept on barking. For some reason ‘Westside Story’ came to mind. These dogs are the rival gangs and there are probably some poodles on both sides, in a doomed love affair. I strained to see if there were any dogs brooding close by, not involved in the confrontation. I couldn’t see any.(Perhaps this is just Scene one). Will keep an eye out for Scene two. (the height of joblessness)

crazy dogs

Rambling done. I received a mail two days ago. It was an online conversation between two girls that used to be close friends in school.

(Conversation is as is, except for the name changes and the removal of smileys)
Grace- I just had a baby!
Helen- Wait! What??
Grace- lol
Helen- Babe, you didn’t even invite me to the wedding.
Helen- Hello???
Grace- Babes, I am not married
Helen- Excuse me????
Grace- It is complicated
Helen- What nonsense is this? Were you raped? If na play, stop am
Grace- Nonsense. Are you calling my baby nonsense. Rape? God forbid!
Helen- This is absolutely nonsense. You are telling me that you have a baby and you are not married. What is wrong with you? You that used to be a senior member in fellowship back in school. You that used to stand on the podium and preach to the girls to abstain from sex. You can now open your mouth to not only tell me that you are having sex while not married but that you have a baby too. I am bitterly disappointed in you.
Grace- What is all this na? As my close friend, I expect you to be supportive at least. I don’t need this condemnation from you. What are you ruining the moment?
Helen- You are a single mother. You want me to support that? Babe, we only became friends because we had similar principles about life, sex and marriage. You started all this. You didn’t tell me at all for 9 months and you expect support.
Grace- This is why I didn’t tell you. You are so judgmental
Helen You for no bother tell me at all ooo! Don’t you feel shame??
Grace- What? Go to hell jare!!! Good bye

Grace sent in this conversation with a single message. Why are people so judgmental??.

In a weird way, I do understand where both parties are coming from. I have always had the strong set of principles (Marriage, Sex and Babies) and I feel extremely strange when friends that I consider more religious than I am (which is half the free world) get pregnant before marriage or have a baby two months into their marriage. Personally, I don’t like it, but I follow two basic rules in these matters. First- It is none of my business. Secondly and arguably one of the best lines in the world ‘Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone’. Madam Helen forgot this rule when she went off on you like that. It is wrong. It is uncalled for, even though I do understand where she is coming from. I had a friend once tell me if any of her friends were to get pregnant before marriage, she was going to cut her off. I then asked if she became friends with the girl because of principles or because she liked her. She responded that it didn’t matter. People judge you by the company you keep. (I will have to address this line some other day)

Grace, I don’t think you should take it to heart. The world has changed and there is less stigma on girls who have kids out-of-wedlock. Is it a good thing? Hell No! Are you the first or will you be the last? Definitely not. I think you kinda expected this reaction from her. I don’t think she is a bad friend…….completely. Her first reaction was joy, before she realized that she was not invited to the wedding, then discovering that there was no wedding. Considering, you used to preach against it, you can imagine her disappointment at the situation. Of course she was too vocal, but it depends on the rapport you girls have. Perhaps you have always had a friendship, where you both were free to speak each other minds. I don’t know. Still she has no right to condemn you.

friends not talking

As for Helen herself, she should cool down o! Sin is sin. Unless she has never done anything wrong, she should be careful about the words used in addressing any person’s action. It is one thing to advice and direct a friend from a wrong path. However, if the person has already done the deed, of what use is your condemnation? The baby has been born. You don’t have to like it. It is really not your business. You have no idea what your friend is going through and for you to lay it so thick on her is extremely rude. It just shows that although you may have principles in some areas of your life, you are sorely lacking in some other areas, especially in diplomacy. (And I used to think I suck at diplomacy. Well, I definitely do, but since there are people worse than I am. I have hope!!)

So dear readers, drop a line. Let me hear your thoughts on the matter

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