The ‘me and my husband’ syndrome

So this week, my husband and I went on a voyage of sorts. Eight game stores, five malls and four hours later, we finally found the games we were searching for. He was on the hunt for Fight Night 4. I was on the hunt for any WWE game. I finally found WW 12 on sale. While I am yet to enjoy it as I enjoyed the earlier Smackdown vs Raw versions that I grew up with (Plus disappointed that there are very few female wrestlers (divas), I was super excited to finally get it. As I settled in to play on a beautiful sunday morning, I noticed that I had a message on my BB. My first instinct was to ignore it, but then I felt it vibrate (I have been pinged). This is how the conversation went between Sarah (not real name) and I.

Sarah- Aisha are you there?

Me- Yes. How far?

Sarah- I am so angry right now

Me (drops game pad) What happened?

Sarah- My husband is pissing me off bad

Me- (smiles) Kpele. Don’t mind him. Men were born to piss us off. Just take it easy

Sarah- Can he imagine? His mother is coming to visit.

Me- ehhhhh……………okkkkk

Me– Sorry, coming to visit or coming to live with you guys?

Sarah– Coming to visit and stay for a while of course. Come and live with us ke? Is she mad?

Me– Babes. That’s your husband’s mother. The mad bit is not cool. Do you guys have bad blood or something? How long is she coming to stay for?

Sarah- Does it matter how long? Why would she come and stay with us at all?

Me- Because she is his mother?

Sarah- And so? I am his wife!!

Me (now I am starting to lose my patience) Babes, are you comparing yourself to his mother? Stop that o. Your husband’s mother is not someone you want to offend o. You have been married for only two years. I don’t care if she is the devil incarnate. You have to tread softly because she is still his mother.

Sarah- Well, my mother doesn’t come and stay with us. Why should his??

Me- Babes. Your mother came to stay with you when you put to bed.

Sarah- that’s different

Me- (patience exhausted) Babe…..Ok What has your mother in law done? Just tell me the worst thing. You don’t have to go into all the details.
Sarah- She hasn’t done anything per se. You know me. You know I no dey take nonsense. It’s just that she is always so cold to me, she is always calling her son everyday. I would tell him to do something. He would ask his mother and she would suggest something else and he would do that. They are too close for my comfort and it is irritating me. Secrets he should share with me first, he would go and tell his mother first….

Me- So he is a mama boy?

Sarah- not really, but he puts her first before me.

Me- I don’t think so. Like my husband says. Mother and wife has different places in a man’s life and only a stupid man would allow a situation where they would clash. First of all, na she born am, na she raise am. If she hadn’t made him the man he is today, you won’t have married him. Unless she is doing some Patience Ozokwor things, I think you should chill out.

Sarah- Really, you are not helping me. I thought you were a blogger and can give advice

Me- Sorry. No vex. Not a certified advise giver. what exactly do you want to hear? Keep fighting your husband until he says his mother is not coming again??? Babe, don’t ruin your young marriage na.

Sarah- so what am I supposed to do?

Me- Same thing your husband did when your mother came over. Smile, grind your teeth and be the sweetest that you can be. Be charming and hospitable and all that jazz.

Sarah- You mean do ‘eye service’


Sarah- why????


Sarah- If I okay his mother coming, then the next thing, his aunty would come. then all his sisters and his brothers……..
Me- Babe, you no get case. We are Nigerians. We value extended family. We may not always like it or them, but the fact remains you gats treat your husband’s people well.

Sarah- so I should turn a fool for them

Me- Who said anything about you turning a fool for anyone? I am not saying you should allow anyone disrespect you in your matrimonial home, but when it comes to his mother, nothing wrong in playing the fool for a bit, as long as she doesn’t abuse it. You have said she is only cold towards you. Who knows? She may change whatever opinions she has about you. You make his mother your biggest fan and you would have a great marriage.

Sarah- I have heard you.
Me- Cool. Can I blog about it?

Sarah- Whatever.

Me- You dey vex for me?

Sarah- Not really

Me- I will take that as a No. So I blog?

Sarah- yeah yeah

Me- Cool. Now relax and be a good daughter in law (continues my Dolph Ziggler versus Randy Orton match. I am yet to figure the ‘how to break a submission hold’ control)
me and my husband
A lot of women like to have their husbands to themselves. They want to become the most important person in their lives. Some even use the bible passage of a man leaving his parents and clinging on to his wife to buttress their point. The fact is that he had a life before you, a mother, a father, siblings, relations, friends. He should not have to choose, same way you would hate it if you are made to choose between your family and your husband. I believe that they operate on different levels and shouldn’t clash in any way. Sure your immediate family is paramount, but your extended is equally important especially in a society as ours. You cannot practice ‘Me and my husband” Alienating your husband’s people is one of the greatest mistake any wife can make.

That’s my two cents on the matter. Drop a line. Do you agree that she is suffering from ‘me and my husband’ syndrome or is she being rightly precautious?

9 Comments Add yours

  1. kemmy says:

    You did well Hera. Treating your hubby’s people well, and with respect makes one enjoy the marriage.
    plus there is nothing wrong in trying to tolerate hubby’s family members…..

    1. herapereira says:

      Abi o. Because in a country like ours, with them on your side, you get to avoid a lot of beef.

  2. danesi says:

    Nice one there…sometimes wives tend to take over thier husbands totally but u cant rule out our mothers!!!!!!A woman needs to stay close to her mother in-law if she wants her marriage to remain forever

  3. Kay says:

    my daddy says love ur husband’s people, dts d first key to marital success. my interpretation of love includes fighting them when they cross d line. my aunt came into the family and her one weapon was food. while the rest of my aunts and my mom see would hoard their food on xmas day, the door to mummy C’s part of the family house remained open and trust everyone trooped there to eat xmas food me inclusive. long story short, inlaws love an open minded woman, learn d secrets to their hearts and attack with all ur might and don’t be afraid to tell them off too. you all can thank me later!

  4. Osemhen says:

    I think it’s ridiculous when women want their mothers-in-law completely out of their husbands’ lives. That woman made your Boo what he is today. That woman held him when he cried, bound his wounds, cooked for him and nursed him when he was ill. For decades! And someday, you will be a mother. You will have a son. And you will be a mother-in-law too. Tell me that you’ll stay away from your own child because of a wife he married. Lol.

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