Excerpts from Part 3
She is not that fat (thank you boy). Besides, fat people like her always get married (go and die boy)
So began a long conversation about fat people and marriage. I sat there listening to it thinking to myself ‘Chei See my life. Is it a crime to be big? From then on, I was determined to do something. I was determined to turn my life around. I was determined to make a difference. As long as I didn’t have to give up food……………So I did the next best thing
I have a boyfriend. Hurray……………This is how we met……………
So I am on a hunt for a boyfriend. I have never had one which I found absolutely outrageous and offensive as there were uglier and fatter girls out there than me and they had boyfriends. Granted, I was extremely picky (the real word is vain as I wanted a David Beckham kind of guy, but I will never call myself vain. Only thin girls are vain….cough cough). Anyways, this time, I was not going to be picky anymore. I will date the first boy that toasts me as long as he is not fat or too short or too thin or wears glasses or has bad teeth or has a barrel for a belly or………….yeah…………
So how does one get a boyfriend in the university? Well, some freshers got toasted when they were up and about or at parties. I have been walking up and down since 1st year and no reasonable person has approached me (not counting all the agberos who see me passing and yell out ‘orobo’). Aside from Tade who led me on and broke my heart (yeah, I know technically my statement isn’t correct, but who cares about technicality. Our matter isn’t done though), no other guy has expressed a beyond friendship interest in me yet. No one invites me for parties.
Then there are the introduction by friends, which was what I was gunning for. I was going to ask one of my friends to hook me up with a friend of theirs, but I have to do it in such a way so as not to show desperation. I had no idea how I was going to do that, considering I have no close friend that I can confidently ask without the fear of them mocking me. So I thought of my room mates. Ngozi……hahahaha. I would rather eat veggies (yuck) than ask her. Stella is awesome but men, her mouth leaks. The whole hostel will know in less than 10 minutes of me telling her. Bose is the best option. She is indifferent to everyone in the room. She has ton of boys toasting her and I knew she would not talk about it to anyone.
So one Tuesday afternoon, when we were the only two in the room, I decided to broach the matter. She was on her bed reading a chemistry text book (but seriously who reads when there isn’t a test or an exam around the corner).
‘Hi Bose’. (she drops her book and gives me her usual one dimensional stare. Seriously, how are guys drawn to this statue like behavior and not me with my bubbling personality)
‘Hmmmmm’ she responds
‘How was your day?’ I had no idea how I was going to start
‘Same’ She started to pick her book again. I could see she had lost interest already. I had to do something quick
‘I need a boyfriend!!! I blurted (OMG, did I just say that out loud. This is so humiliating) Bose looked at me eyebrow raised, her expression unchanging.
I then launched into a tirade of how Ngozi humiliated me in the room when they were not there and how a boyfriend would give me the respect I need.
‘You don’t need a boyfriend. you need self confidence’ (oh No! not a lecture. all my confidence got me was Tade asking me to borrow his sister some)
‘What of that guy Tunji?’
Tade. I corrected
(At least, have the decency to remember the name of my only date na) ‘ Things could not work between us’(still would die first before revealing what truly happened)
She was quiet for a while. I was really nervous and hoped I have not just lost all the respect she may (big ‘may’) have had for me. I was also scared she might tell me off harshly. She then smiled (Damn! Now I know why boys fawn over her. It is so unfair, how can only she have brains, body and the most amazing smile. It is ridiculously unfair.) I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I missed what she said.
‘I am sorry….. what did you say?’
‘I said ok’
‘ok.’ she repeated and went back to her book
I knew I was dismissed . It was a huge let down because I thought we might have a discussion about the kind of boy I wanted, but I knew I could not push it further.
We were all relaxing in the room when Bose returned from lectures. As she walked in, she announced
“Get ready. We are going out tonight’
‘yess ooooooo’ shouted Ngozi excitedly. (Bose only goes to the most exclusively parties and she never invites anyone) ‘ Where?’
Simone’s. And I was talking to Fatmah.
Fatmah……Fatmah…….. who is…. oh na me oooo. We all turned to her stunned. Ngozi looked like someone just slapped her (oh sweet vengeance)
Her? Why would you take HER? (gangrene to your tongue)
Bose stared at her with her usual blank expression (did I mention that that was the best expression in the world), turned to me and said ‘ Be ready by 10. (Sorry Stella. Bose is my new bestie. I take back every evil word, every evil thought………………wait she is still talking)
Wear something sexy.
Sexy kwa????? Where is my 102kg butt going to get something sexy to wear in just a few hours………..
Tune on for Part 6