Sorry, I had to pause the story for a while. Some wise guy was posting my story on his blog under the title “The fat diaries of kike’ (not a bad title). So I patiently put it on hold so and I cheerfully waited to see what he would post next. His readers were on his case anxiously awaiting the next episode. I kept commenting asking for the next episode on every single article he posted (I think i have a slightly sadistic side. hehehe). Anyways, I am bored with that now, so i am going to continue. I realise it is hard to control content on the web, so i am not going to make a big deal about it………..yet) Meanwhile 99th Posts. HUrrraaayyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!
Excerpt from last post
We were all relaxing in the room when Bose returned from lectures. As she walked in, she announced
“Get ready. We are going out tonight’
‘yess ooooooo’ shouted Ngozi excitedly. (Bose only goes to the most exclusive parties and she never invites anyone) ‘ Where?’
Simone’s. And I was talking to Fatmah.
Fatmah……Fatmah…….. who is…. oh na me oooo. We all turned to her stunned. Ngozi looked like someone just slapped her (oh sweet vengeance)
Her? Why would you take HER? (gangrene to your tongue)
Bose stared at her with her usual blank expression (did I mention that that was the best expression in the world), turned to me and said ‘ Be ready by 10. (Sorry Stella. Bose is my new bestie. I take back every evil word, every evil thought………………wait she is still talking)
Wear something sexy.
Sexy kwa????? Where is my 102kg butt going to get something sexy to wear in just a few hours………..
What to wear……………. what to wear………….
Most girls would be looking for something unique, classy, sexy to wear………………..i was looking for something that would make me look 40kg slimmer…………… and sexy…………..Bose was emphatic on the sexy bit.I dont even feel sexy in my dreams. How was i going to pull this off. I have no idea why… must be desperation but suddenly, the name Jumoke popped in my head.
Jumoke lived five rooms away from mine.We are not friends. Jumoke should be at least 140 kg and she wears the most inappropriate outfits. A fat girl should wear loose outfits that hides all the poofs and puffs of her body. Jumoke does the exact opposite. She wears outrageous tight skimpy outfits that leaves everything hanging out. She is loud, overly forward and is always speaking pidgin. She is not liked much by the other girls and there are a lot of derogatory things said about her, but she doesnt care. Apparently, the guys don’t mind as well as she is one of the most notorious run girls in our hostel. That I was even considering asking her for clothes, someone who I don’t have any relationship with, showed the height of my desperation. I will never stoop so low as to ask her for an outfit. God forbid. I will rather wear rags. is it by force to go for party sef? Will I die if I don’t have a boyfriend? I will not sacrifice my dignify and my pride. Never ever ever!!!!
‘Jumoke, please can I see u outside?’ I stood nervously at the edge of her room door.
She was wearing one outrageous grotesque t-shirt which was 10 sizes too small and threatened to bust open anytime soon as well as a ridiculous short shorts that showed odd some unappealing legs. She was chewing gum as she stood up to face me. I should leave…..i should leave…..
‘wetin?’ She asked. Guys will sleep with anything sha. I couldn’t speak. She just stared at me patiently waiting. Finally, i pulled myself together and told her what I needed.
It’s a lieee!!!! she screamed and pulled me into a bear hug. I was mortified. Hope no one is seeing us. U dey go there. She took my palm and hit it…..really hard “Correct babe. u get leg o. I bin dey try go the party since. no luck. snobbish people’ I was starting to relax and feel good once again about being invited when she added ‘But e be like say they don dey allow everybody enter since u dey go’ Ok. screw the outfit. I am leaving. But she pulled me into her room. Luckily she was the only one there.
U must wear my newest outfit o. I never wear am yet. e go fit u die. She brought out a collection of very colourful …..stuff. They didn’t look like clothes. They just looked like stuff. Luckily I spotted one blue sequin dress in the pile of stuff. I was surprised that she possessed something so elegant and it will fit. She saw what I held up and wrinkled her nose
“u like dat one? e too long. I never adjust am”
‘I love it’
eh heh. ok na, but u must come gist me every ooooo. Gist for the price of a boyfriend…I can do that. Maybe she was not such a terrible person after all, though it would have been better if she had just dashed me the dress instead of ruining it later by trying to cut it…..yeah i know I was being ungrateful.
Bose gave me a look over as I stood up for her inspection. As expected, she looked like a rock star, all mysterious and dangerously sexy. I thought I looked great in the outfit. it was fitted but not overly so. My makeup and hair were done. I felt beautiful.
I didn’t give you much notice so I cant complain’ What does that mean? will it kill people to compliment me sef? Uglier girls get complimented out of courtesy. All these people never say anything nice to me. I was lost in thought and almost missed what she said next. ‘Hopefully it clicks.Lets go’ Hopefully what clicks? I was excited again.
A car was waiting outside for us. I am useless with cars so I don’t know the model but it was sleek. Two guys were in it. Bose’s boyfriend sent them to fetch us. One was driving and another sat at the back. Bose sat in the passenger seat and briefly introduced us. I saw the boys exchange a glance but I could not tell what they were thinking. There was little conversation in the vehicle as we drove to Simone’s. I kept wondering, Is the boy behind my ‘click’? I have seen him around school, one of those popular boys that didn’t know I was in the planet. Imagine if we were to date… My reputation will soar. Here I was looking for any boyfriend and I may end up with one of the popular boys in school. is my string of bad luck finally turning around. I stole a glance at him. My future boyfriend was texting and smiling. (everyone knows when a person texts and smiles, it is a member of the opposite sex…..logic demands that it is). My despair was confirmed as he laughed out loud and told the driver that Faith will be there and this will be his night to score. In retrospect, I am glad he was not the one…..I didn’t want to be a score. I wanted a boyfriend.
Finally we pulled up at Simeone’s. The exclusive club was located just outside campus. The owner was an ex student who settled around the area. He only lent it out exclusively to the creme de la creme in the school. Getting in meant you knew some highly influential students. That I was here meant I had arrived. I have been where many girls and guys only dreamt of going. There were two hefty security men at the gate. Bose made a call and her boyfriend Jude came out. Although he dated my roommate, he never spoke to any of us. He usually sat outside and honked for her or sent his cronies to get her. Son of a Nigerian senator, he was one of the most affluent boys on campus and ……
Hey Fatmah…welcome Jude flashed a smile. Is he actually talking to me? He leaned forward and gave me a peck. “You look ravishing. Did you lose weight?” At this point, I didn’t care whether anyone ever complimented me again. I have had all the compliments I need in this lifetime. Jude knew my name. I MUST change my name to Fatmah. Jude kissed me..He noticed my weight loss…..ok I didnt lose any weight but at least the dress must be making me look 40 kg slimmer as i wanted. This is the best day of my life.
Bose pinched me….hard. I startled. She had a smirk on her face and I translated it to mean ‘don’t fall my hand”. I smiled weakly and followed them in. The place was amazing. The decor looked like something out of a wedding catalogue. The ambiance was like no other club around (not that I would know anyways). i was in heaven.
‘ Fatmah, meet my cousin Micheal.He has heard so much about you…… I turned around, a big smile on my face……
I crashed down to earth……………