I don’t do Community Guilt/ Living a Facade.

So by now everyone in Nigeria and their mother is aware of the ‘scandal’ one of our more established actresses decided to get embroiled in? No? Well, the dear lady for reasons best known to her decided it was a good idea to post a picture of her two new dogs on instagram.

 

oge-okoye

vllkyt56e4v982fnf-31d98a0eUT as it turns out, an American reality star (The real housewives of Atlanta) earlier posted the picture of the same dogs. oh No!!! Apparently, dear Oge tried to pass off the puppies as hers. Naughty Oge. Continue reading

While I was away

20170222_081903Been two years since I posted.

Two Freaking YEARS

TWO YEARS

Trump is the President of the United States

I did not see that happening.

Moved to Qatar

Working 6 days a week….Yeah i know. 6 days!!!!

Still on baby one. or should i say toddler/ mama lips puller one

Still on hubby one too…In this era, that’s important to mention

Gained 25 kg. I know . I suck.

Turned 31. No more video games . sigh. Old age

My sister became a mummy.

Became an Instagram Addict.

All in all. I am living a good life

Trump is the President of the United States

The Trials of Fatimah- the struggles of an orobo Part 6

Sorry, I had to pause the story for a while. Some wise guy was posting my story on his blog under the title “The fat diaries of kike’ (not a bad title). So I patiently put it on hold so and I cheerfully waited to see what he would post next. His readers were on his case anxiously awaiting the next episode. I kept commenting asking for the next episode on every single article he posted (I think i have a slightly sadistic side. hehehe). Anyways, I am bored with that now, so i am going to continue. I realise it is hard to control content on the web, so i am not going to make a big deal about it………..yet) Meanwhile 99th Posts. HUrrraaayyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!! Continue reading

He is attracted to his wife’s best friend. Should he tell his wife?

Hello everyone. I stumbled upon the post on Nairaland, Nigeria’s number one public forum and my favorite pastime. This poster was having a problem and decided to ask for advice from the forum.

Really I don’t know how to start this or how it all began, don’t get me wrong I love my wife and still do and would never want to do anything to hurt her(i hope because am really scared now).
we have been married for 8 years now with two kids to show for it, her friend whom we have all come to take as a family friend has always been part of our lives but of recent since last year I have found out i am getting so attracted to her(actually I used to like her before she became friends with my wife in my bachelor days but I never told my wife this).
To be frank when I started dating my wife I decided to take her friend as a sister, with time she and my wife became best of friends, and she has always been helpful to our family and kids.
But since last year I have been having this burning desire for her (I don’t know why)maybe because she has become more beautiful over the years, and to make matters worse she is always in our house to see us and spend time with us, these days I look for excuses to leave the house whenever she is around cause I find myself stealing looks at, I don’t look at her as a sister anymore but as someone I want to sleep with and the desire is burning so much and I don’t like it one bit. please what is happening to me?

Now as usual, everyone rallied to give their advice and opinion in the most humorous way possible. Some entered into a side argument as to who has a higher libido, men or women. Then some began to advise the guy to tell his wife so she has limit the friend’s visit. I considered it the WORST idea ever!! ( I can just imagine my hubby coming to tell me he is sexually attracted to my friend………I will be listening and nodding my head while silently reaching for a bottle to break his head with). Now some people agreed with me stating that there is NO possible way to say it to the wife. The proponent of the idea then painted a scenario.

Man: Babes, there’s something I’ve got to tell you

Wife: Hmm? What’s it darling?

Man: (Sits at the edge of their bed, places both hands on his bowed head and adopts a posture of utter dejection)…It’s eating me up here babes.

Wife: Fearing the worst… What is it? Pls don’t hold back. Is it bad news??

Man: Silently shakes his head. You’re gonna hate me. I can’t even find the words to tell you.

Wife: Obviously now frantic… Just tell me, abeg!

Man: Darling, you know how much I love you, don’t you?

Woman: Yes. And?

Man: Well, it’s to do with your friend Ann (or whatever her name is)

Woman: What about her?

Man: I don’t feel comfortable around her in our home. Yes, I know she is your friend, but I am a man and I don’t want to be tempted into doing anything that would jeopardize our marriage, much less my love for you. I would rather she stops visiting us altogether.

Wife: (Exhales deeply with relief and sends out a silent prayer of thanks)… Gosh, is that it? Lol! You got me scared! Yes, if that’s how you feel, I understand. Don’t worry, it’s all in hand baby.

Wifey nudges closer to hubby and kisses him tenderly…hubby responds with fervor and they both clasp each other in the wake of their rising passion…

***Curtains drawn!***

sarcasm smiley

Now the original poster, for some reason, considered this a fantastic idea and was considering trying it. Then another poster wrote a more realistic scenario that had me bursting into hysterics at 4.00 a.m in the morning and jealous with envy that I didn’t come up with it first.

Man: Babes, there’s something I’ve got to tell you

Wife: Hmm? What’s it darling?

Man: (Sits at the edge of their bed, places both hands on his bowed head and adopts a posture of utter dejection)…It’s eating me up here babes.

Wife: (Fearing the worst)… What is it? Pls don’t hold back. Is it bad news??

Man: Silently shakes his head. You’re gonna hate me. I can’t even find the words to tell you.

Wife:( Obviously now frantic)… Just tell me, abeg!

Man: Darling, you know how much I love you, don’t you?

Wife: Yes. And? Wait…Have you gotten the maid pregnant?!?

Man: What? No!

Wife: Well then what is it? Spit it out!

Man: Well, it’s to do with your friend Ann (or whatever her name is)

Woman: What about her?

Man: I don’t feel comfortable around her in our home. Yes, I know she is your friend, but I am a man and I don’t want to be tempted into doing anything ….

Wife: Anything like what? Anything like what?! What have you and Ann been up to??

Man: N…Nothing! I’m just trying to say I’m not comfortable with her and I don’t want to be tempted to do anything that would jeopardize our marriage…

Woman (Pauses and looks at man)..: OMG! YOu are attracted to Ann? You no-good bit.ch azz modaf$*er! My BEST Friend? Have you no shame?! You &&(%(unprintable)%(##@!~!! Asshol@! No wonder you were eying her that day we were playing scrabble! Did you let her win on purpose?? Well did you?!

Man: Please calm down. It’s not like I’ve done anything yet…

Woman: Ooooooh! You want me to wait till you do something? How can I ever trust you? In fact am gonna call ann up right now and give her a piece of my mind, that two timing, bicch=-azz %*%$*$!!!

Wife continues in destructo mode and husband wishes he had never taken advise from nairaland…

***Curtains drawn!***
lmao
So which scenario is more likely? Should he tell his wifey? Drop a comment below

My Almost Robbery Incidences….

Ok, this has officially been my worst month for blogging. I have been unbelievably lazy. (I am usually lazy, but this time ‘unbelievably’ so). Typing is my biggest chore. I know I should write shorter posts, but I am somehow incapable of writing short posts. I have an innate desire to ramble on and on, instead of dealing with the topic I intend to discuss…………kinda like I am doing right now.

SO, I have never considered myself a lucky person. In fact, I consider myself quite unlucky. I am that student who, on the day she misses school, something fun happens. I am that dieter, who starts on a regiment with a friend and that friend goes on to lose oodles of weight while I am left struggling with a few pounds. I am that daughter, who inherited all the worst features of my parents, from the annoying freckles under the eyes from my mother; the huge nose from my dad and my material grandmother’s arms.
crying

I cannot make clothes, even though my mum is a guru. I cannot make beads, even though my sister could. I have no interest in business, even though the opportunity has presented itself lot of times. The only skills I can say I have are my ability to research, my mediocre writing skills and my unmarketable talent as a masseuse.

Continue reading

Confessions of an Orobo(Plus Size) Chick

I was sent this hilarious video by OmogeKofo. It was so funny that it inspired me to do this prayer.

Confessions of an Orobo(Plus Size) Chick

Forgive me Lord because I have sinned………..again
I Know by now you go don tire for my matter
But Lord, what can I do?
Temptations Temptations all around

Lord, you know that I tried
The Velvet Cake sat there in the fridge for HOURS
Lord, you know how much I resisted it
Going for Rabbit Food while Ignoring it
Ignoring the wonderful aroma
Lord, you know that I tried

Continue reading