The Trials of Fatimah- the struggles of an orobo Part 3

Sorry, it has been so long since the last Fatimah update.

Excerpts from last post
“You are very pretty, Fatimah’
“No, I am not” Darn it. Me and my big mouth. A boy calls me pretty and I go ahead and deny it. Genius me, but thankfully he goes on
“Nah you are pretty. In a chubby way. And I like Chubby. Want to have lunch here tomorrow, same time?

At this point, I was speechless. He called me chubby. Not fat, not orobo, but chubby. I think I am in love. I nod my acceptance and he smiled again, shook my hand and left.

I have a date. Me! Fatimah Yusuf has a date. I am finally part of the rush. Woohooo!!!! I need another plate of rice. I cannot contain my excitement! Tomorrow is so far away.

    June 28 2005

‘That’s not a date’
“of course it is.’
No, it is not. He said “want to have lunch tomorrow”. that doesn’t make it a date jo’

That’s Ngozi. Trying to ruin my one good moment. I had told my room mates about my date when I got back to the dorm. While Stella was excited for me (Stella is an amazing roomie, even though she did pour my miracle weight loss formula away); Bose was indifferent.(I can’t blame her. She had a lot of boys on her case. I personally think it is only because of her “assets” because I found her rather plain looking…..or maybe its my beef talking), but Ngozi took it quite personal. She decided to analyze the circumstances and the words spoken to decipher if it was truly a date. According to her, the tone did not indicate a romantic overture, the school café is the most inappropriate place for a date as it was too public and the third unspoken reason(in my head at least was that she felt that I was too fat for anyone to want to go on a date with) I was getting mad, as she kept pushing but I knew I had the perfect come back

‘So when Oke invited you for the weekend and you didn’t let us hear word about the date, but it turns out that two of his friends and their girlfriends were also there. Then, according to your analogy, it was not a date either since it was not romantic enough as four other people were there abi. Didn’t the boys share one room and the girls shared another?’

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Girls are Hyenas. No such thing as a Girl Code

Hello everyone. Happy Sunday. Now a bit of good news before I delve into the issue of today. Read yesterday on Yahoo that a man who started an exercise regime, developed an illness called Rhabdomyolysis (the ‘R’ is silent….I think). His muscle fibers deteriorated to the point that his urine turned to Coca-Cola (his words, not mine). I am totally going to ignore the fact that this was P90X Insanity, which as the name implies, is arguably the toughest regiment out there, and the guy who had not exercised in years jumped into the rigorous program that his body obviously wasn’t ready for. I am going to ignore all that and say ‘EXERCISES MAKE YOU SICK’

Husband- Are you not working out today?

Me- What? Are you kidding? Don’t you know that doing exercise now gives you Rhabdomyolysis? eh hen!!! That’s your plan abi. You want me to fall sick and die so that you can marry another wife (breaks down crying)

Husband (confused)- huh?

Ok, the above scenario has not happened yet, but I intend to use it in the nearest future

Rambling done. So a few days ago, I posted a mail sent in by one of my readers. There was a comment made by a friend of Mine, Tokunbo that inspired this present post. You can read that story and the comments here, but the short version is that she mentioned that one of the parties messed with the girl code by sleeping with her friends’ ex and I was like “There is a girl code????””

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Never a Bridesmaid………..well almost never…..

I love weddings……I have always wanted to be involved in weddings in one way or the other, but for some reason, I have been extremely unlucky. (sad face). My sister is, as I type this, on her 9th bridesmaid duty. Right from when we were kids, Everyone loved Zee. She was cute and spunky. She was always asked to be the flower girl or little bride for neighbours and acquaintances( we are Muslims, so we never used little brides or flower girls in our weddings). I was never asked. Yeah. I know that I was a chubby unattractive kid, but I always thought I made up for that in personality………………apparently not. Dammmit.

>Blossom jonrjontIMG-20130316-00050IMG00681-20120825-1028My stunning sister in some of her bridesmaid dresses

Growing up, I have always wanted to be a bridesmaid. Always. It is something I desperately yearned for. Sure the dresses were usually hideous, but that never deterred me. For me, being a bridesmaid meant that you are special to the bride. It meant you are important. However, it seemed no one wanted a plus size bridesmaid. I had friends pick acquaintances instead of me for the sole reason that they would look better in the dresses (ouch!) and I was always stuck in the aso-ebi roles. I usually left subtle hints to my friends that I wanted to be on their train but when that didn’t work,(Subtlety was never my strong suit anyways) I screamed at them “PUT ME ON YOUR FREAKING TRAINS”. That didn’t work either. Go figure. So I stopped asking.

So I had resigned to my fate that I would never be a bridesmaid in my lifetime. Then in 2010, an old school friend asked me to be part of her bridal party. I was super excited but kept a straight face. The conversation went thus.

“Are you asking me because you want me to be on your train or because you know I would be able to pay for the dress’
“I AM IN!!!!’

Now that I had my first bridesmaid opportunity, I wanted it to be perfect. Went off a diet(stopped after 2 weeks), went on a skin regime(had severe breakouts from an allergic reaction to Olay goat milk soap). At that time, I just gave up and went with the flow. During the fitting, I discovered that it was going to be strapless. (I don’t do strapless and In my excitement, I didn’t ask. Genius me). However, there was going to be a jacket….a ridiculously small jacket, but a jacket all the same) So it was not so bad. It was also one of the nicest bridesmaid dresses I had seen.
bridesmaid aishabridesmaid aisha@
My first and most likely only bridesmaid outfit

I got a first hand experience on how tedious it is being a bridesmaid. It is more than just hanging around and looking pretty. The bride’s mum had me running errands, because I was the most familiar face to her. I was on my feet in my “raise me ups’ all day and they were really starting to hurt (‘Raise me up’ is what my sister calls my high heel shoes because I only wear two inches or less. I have a closet full of shoes (because they are pretty), but I only wear the 2 inches or less shoes (because they are practical and I have wobbly feet). So as far as she is concerned, 2 inches or less are not Heels) It made me wonder why anyone would want to be a bridesmaid. It’s not as glamorous as I thought it would be, but I am so glad I got to do it once before I got too old to do it.

So, have you ever been a bridesmaid? What was your experience? Did you do it because you loved the idea like I did, or out of obligation to your friends? Have you never been a bridesmaid? Drop a line.

That’s a size too small- Big Girls Dressing Badly

Ever walk down the street and see a plus size girl on a dress that is way too tight, emphasizing her folds and large stomach. I am sure we all have. As a plus size girl myself, it saddens me to see them. Some of my friends are guilty of this (I would like to think I am not; but I am sure I may have once or twice worn something too tight, though I can’t remember if i have). Out of respect for them, I wont feature their pictures, but una know unaselves.
bad dressing


The question is why do big girls wear too tight clothes when they are not Kim Kardashian. Some big girls wear small-clothes because they genuinely don’t know that the cloth is too tight and is emphasizing their body flaws. Others are defiant because smaller people are wearing them and they feel if it can enter and not tear, they are good to go. I would like to believe that all plus girls who wear too tight clothes have no idea how unflattering it looks, but come on! That’s why mirrors exist!!!!!! Tight clothes don’t make you look slimmer. It only serves to remind people how big you are.

Course there is the other side of the divide. Wearing too loose clothes. I was guilty of this because I loved the ease the free clothes gave me. A few years back, I didn’t care about fashion. I cared more about comfort. The downside was that everyone thought that I am actually bigger than i was. So if you are a plus size girl, having a closet full of muumuu like clothes is a very bad idea. Try and mix up comfort with style.

So my dear plus size ladies, ease up on the tight clothes. You know when a dress is too small. Try and dress for your size. You know what fits you. Study and understand your body. Dress to what accentuates your best features. There is nothing sexier than a plus size girl who knows how to dress her body. (skinny girls can pull off almost anything, so whatever…. yea i am hating on you skinny girls. Ha!)

fat and fab

big girls dressing nicely

big girls dressing nicely2

Look around. There are many designers that cater to plus size ladies, so look for nice trends. Have fun with clothes……….just make sure they are the right size


Drop a line. Would you tell your plus size friend that she is wearing a wrong dress size?