The bridesmaid specialist is now the bride

Hello people. Remember I posted an article a lifetime ago about how my sister was always asked to be a bridesmaid and I never was…..almost never was. read that HERE . I am excited to announce that the bridesmaid specialist is now the bride.. hurray. This weekend, a wise wise young guy took another of the Idrisu girl as a wife. (We Idrisu girls are very special with a heart of gold…. though I like to think that mine is more of titanium mixed with a little platinum with just a hint of………..what was I again?)

Ahaaa the wedding….Thanks to our relocation which was very timely, I was able to attend the ceremony. Considering how vain I am, I was determined to look fabulous to all the aunties and uncles who had not seen me in years. I have worked relatively hard all year to lose the baby weight and I was a few kg shy of my ultimate goal but alas! I try if I do say so myself. Continue reading

I told the truth about my brother’s bride and everybody hates me

Yes, I have been away for a while and I sincerely apologize………again… for my absence. (This has to be my third apology, right?) I am beginning to sound like a broken record. No excuses. Been trying to get a grip of myself for a while now. I think I have succeeded….maybe…. who knows? Time will tell. At least I am blogging again, so Hurray me! Thanks for all the mails and stories sent in over the last couple of months and all the updates on the stories I have earlier blogged about. I Would dedicate this month to answering the mails and updating the readers. To those who sent mails asking me to help them with visas…….hehehehehehehehehehehe………….no comment.

Musing done. I got this mail last month and a reminder two weeks ago. I will not lie. I was not exactly sure how to react to it or whether I can entirely fault the sender. Sometimes when a loved one is involved in an issue, common sense doesn’t become so common, This is Kelvin’s mail.

“Hi Hera. I am in a mess right now o! Please analyze this for me, not as a girl, but as if you were directly in my shoes. I am in my 30s and I am based in Calabar, graduated from xxx. In April, my younger brother told me he was getting married. Of course I am very happy for him. Although, I never met the girl in person, I saw her picture all the time on his DP of his Blackberry. Now she looked eerily familiar, but I just assumed that it was as a result of seeing her all the time on his BBM. Her name is Evelyn. The wedding was in September. I invited all my old school friends for the wedding. You know, awon big Fagi things. Everything was going smoothly. I noticed my friends snickering and exchanging knowing looks during the reception ceremony. I ignored it for a long time because I was busy. Towards the end, I called aside my best friend to ask him what they were saying, thinking the others had been saying nasty things about the food or the hall or something relating to the ceremony. He was extremely uncomfortable and very reluctant to talk to me. Eventually, he told me that the guys were laughing because my brother married ‘Ever ready’.
Hera, it was then I knew why the girl was so familiar to me. I didn’t know her name, but everyone in our clique knew her then as ‘ever ready’, a very promiscuous club girl from the university days. She drank and smoked weed back then. She was basically the school whore and had slept with at least three of my friends. Luckily, I never did anything with her. There was a gist in school that she had done so much abortions that she didn’t bother to use any protection with the guys she slept with, because she could not get pregnant. I don’t know how much of that was true, but there was no party organized by students that ‘Ever ready’ and her crew didn’t show up……………and now she was my brother’s wife!! My innocent goody two shoes brother? I was so livid. So incredibly angry. My friend tried to calm me down, not to cause a scene that they are already married and I should not do anything. But What would you do in my shoes?

That evening, my brother and his new wife came to the house to pray with my parents before heading to the hotel they had booked. I called him aside and told him that he has not found a wife. That all this ceremony that he has done was a waste and I would not let him ruin his life with a woman who would probably give him Aids and never have kids. Maybe I didn’t present the situation well for him, but the next thing I knew my baby brother gave me a very heavy blow. I was shocked and angry and I rushed him. That’s how we started exchanging blows. Of course everyone came to separate us asking what happened. My brother stormed out with his wife. As they were leaving, I screamed ‘Ever ready. You think you can hide abi?” The look of shock, panic and terror on her face as she whirled to look at me was deeply satisfying and convinced me that I was not being paranoid. I then had a private discussion with our parents and the other siblings and told them what I knew. Hera, you won’t believe. They were all angry with ME. Telling me I acted immaturely and I shouldn’t have said anything. My sisters were livid with me. In fact, my father told me not to come to church for the thanksgiving the next day till they sort things out.

Long and short, I am now the bad guy, the black sheep and I feel it is really unfair. What kind of brother will I be if I keep quiet? If anything goes wrong and he catches a disease or they are unable to conceive, is it not the same people that would ask me why I kept quiet since. This is my brother, not some random stranger. Why should he be stuck with this kind of girl? I am sure she kept her filthy past away from him. Why is everyone alienating me and NOT her? Please if you think I did wrong, what should I have done differently?

UPDATE- No one is talking to me o, even my mother. I don’t know what is going on in the house. I call my people and they are all cold to me. I know that they haven’t told other family members because I still relate with everyone normally. I don’t know what is going on with my brother. The only time I called him, he said I should pretend he does not exist for now. That I ruined his life. When I began to argue that I was not the one that ruined his life and that he should not blame the messenger, he hung up on me. I feel so victimized.

Kelvin

This is a very complicated matter for me. My first response was to reprimand you for saying anything at all, YET I understand why you did. It is your brother after all. That being said, you handled it very badly. It is easy for me to sit here and tell you what you should have done instead. Very easy….but I am trying to put myself in your shoes, trying to understand your emotions at the time, the embarrassment you felt that your friends were discussing your brother’s wife, the anger you felt knowing her past. But he who is without sin…………. Personally, I feel the best way to have handled it is to call the girl aside, tell her you know who she is and hope she has changed her ways. Sure, this could backfire. She now knows you know. She could pretend then to listen to you and them systematically drive a wedge between you and your brother, so that anything you ever say about her would not be believed. (I watch too many Nigerian movies).

Please anyone who has a better advise for this young man should please comment. thank you.

I hate my sister. She ruined my life 2. Her Sister’s Response

Three days ago when I first published Bunmi’s story, I got a couple of mails from readers who wanted to hear the sister’s side of the tale. I thought it was a bad idea and would be very intrusive. Against my better judgement, I asked Bunmi if I could get in contact with her sister. I expected a resounding ‘Hell No’, but instead she gave me her email address (the fact that she still has her sister’s email after 5 years of supposed ‘hatred’ says something). So, I emailed the sister, told her about the blog and her sister’s feelings. Her immediate response was if the sister did not deem it fit to talk to her face to face and instead decided to write to a blog, she had nothing to say. I thanked her and dropped it with a huge sigh of relief. Then an hour later, she e-mailed me again asking if her sister did write all that or if I embellished the story. I told her, I reconstructed the paragraphs but there was no embellishment. At this point, she asked if I was on Yahoo Messenger. I didn’t know that still existed but I said yes.

Now we chatted for over an hour. She brought up a lot of new issues, but I am only going to publish her response to her sister’s accusations. This is a summary of ‘Dupe’s’ side to this story.

My sister and I were quite close growing up. We had a good relationship. I was always stealing her clothes. We fought. We played. normal normal. My sister put on a lot of weight at a time. I didn’t. I think that is when we began to have a little bit of serious friction beyond normal sister fighting because she started saying some mean things. But it was nothing serious. Then this guy came along. Let’s call him Desmond. Desmond was a very ok guy. Good job, good house. I was happy for my sister that she has found someone to marry. We used to hang out together, the two of them and me and my now fiance. I began to notice something off about him. He had the nastiest mouth ever. He was always rude to the three of us, including her and said nasty things to complete strangers. More than 3 occasions, Desmond had gotten into fights when we were there and Goodness knows how many when we were not there. He was borderline rude to my folks and my sister knew all this, but for some reason, she seemed ok with it. I was not. I had a very bad vibe and I knew if he could do this to strangers, imagine what he would do to her if they marry. I talked to her. She said he was good to her and that’s all that matters. Yes, I did discuss the matter with two female cousins who we were also very close with and were older than her because obviously she was not listening to me. I did not go about badmouthing him, but I guess the gist spread. Yes it was partially my fault, I will agree but my intentions were good.

Continue reading

I hate my sister. She ruined my life

Hello,
My name is Bunmi and I have not spoken to my sister in five years. It is a long story, but I will try to explain it as best as I can. I have an immediate younger sister, we will call her Dupe. I am two years older than her. Six years ago, I met a man who wanted to marry me. My sister hated him for no good reason and went around badmouthing him to all our family and friends. We have a very physical altercation and she was hospitalized. I eventually got married to him, even though my parents were against it. My sister didn’t help me with planning or anything. She just sat there at the reception like a complete stranger. When our first child was born, she didn’t come visit, only sent a gift. I am her older sister. I am not supposed to go and beg her. She has not stepped in my home since we got married. I never thought we would ever have this kind of issue considering how close we all were. Infact, her bad karma jinxed my life and jinxed my marriage, because now I am separated from my husband and he is the process of filing the divorce. I blame her because all the negativity and all the bad blood that my family had towards him is because of her. The evil girl called me for the first time in years after my separation. She said she called to console me but I know she called to gloat. I won’t lie. I said some very mean things to her. Very mean. Now last week, I got an invitation from her for her wedding. She sent a letter with it asking me to be her chief bridesmaid. Can you imagine? after all she has done, she wants to rub it in that she is now getting married and i am now a divorcee. See why I hate her? Everyone is telling me to chill, to go for the wedding, to be the bigger person. no one sees my side. No ones sees my pain. My parents threatened to write me off if I don’t go for the wedding. It’s so unfair that i am now the villain and she is the angel. She broke my marriage and now she has stolen my family’s affections. What do I do

Bunmi

Continue reading

My Brothers Beat Up My Husband.

So I have been having a strange week. I was completely uninspired to blog, yet I spend all day in front of my laptop. I have not left the house in over a week. I got this mail 3 days ago and I have been staring at it for a while, thinking of the direction to take. Today, I snapped out of it…finally. Here is Kehinde’s dilemma.

Hello Mrs Hera Pereira,

Good morning. Stumbled upon your blog. I like the relationship advice you give. I am a newly married lady and I am having a crisis. Recently, my husband and I had a fight. I said some things. He said some things. He walked out of the room because he was really angry and I know he is not really a confrontational kind of guy. I followed him yelling as he went to the guest room. He slammed the door on my face. It was not intentional but it did give me a black eye. I made the mistake of going to my parent’s house and my elder brothers saw it. I have three brothers and I am the only girl. I am sort of a miracle baby and they really dote on me. Two of them stormed over to my place, without hearing what happened and despite pleadings from my parents, the eldest brother and myself. They really roughed up my husband and caused a huge scene. The police were called in and my brothers were arrested. The following morning, My father had called my husband to apologize and asked that he give the permission for their bail. My husband was obviously still furious and refused. Two hours later, he had calmed down and called my father back. He apologised for being rude earlier and said he was on his way to secure their bail. However, he had deeply offended my dad. My dad is an elderly yoruba man and respect is a big deal to him. And he never forgets.

Continue reading